Gossip Girl
The Fugitives

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
The Downside To Relevance

PREVIOUSLY

Dan was invited to Rome, and lied to Blair to punish her for being supportive of his success when he turned it down, the better to spy on her like every other man she dates. Nate once again tried, and once again failed, to blackmail Diana Payne -- this time for being the mysterious traveling sex-club operator known only as India. More successful was his plan with Lola to steal Gossip Girl away from Serena so that she will stop being an insane person, which at least half of that plan worked. Bart Bass turned up alive, rendering Lily's marriage and most of the last three seasons pretty much pointless.

FLASHBACK!

Chuck fully stood there and watched his father die. The entire cast was there, watching the dude die. It took like an hour. Chuck barfed in a hallway. It was unbelievably tragic and powerful.

AND THEN!

Ghost Bart showed up and said crazy things like "Do horrible fucked-up shit! Rape not a single person! Sell nobody for a hotel! Domestically abuse a window if you feel like it! You'll be held accountable, for these things I'm telling you not to do that you didn't ever do, but we'll know it's just because of a ghost." And he avoided doing most of those things, just as the ghost had asked. But the internet went quite mad anyway, and suddenly he retroactively did all of them. But I always knew it was because of the ghost. So what now.

NOW!

Bart: "Okay, here's the deal. I had a bad guy after me, and so when he engineered that car accident I realized that he wasn't kidding around about coming after me -- and you, and Lily -- so I decided to fake my death."
Chuck: "Two problems. Number one, the fuck you say. Number two, we stood there watching you die, so well done on that front. You really fooled us. Question, and this may well be relevant down the line, What did we bury in that coffin?"
Bart: "Mainly hopes and dreams. A good deal of your sanity. And a burnt chicken tikka that bore a surprising resemblance to my ruined ostrich-leather face."
Chuck: "You smelled delicious, father."
Bart: "You always did have a taste for a nice curry. Got that from one of your six moms."

HUMPHREY RESIDENCE

Whilst texting a worried note to Chuck, Blair gets a call on the house line.

Blair: "Humphrey residence, Blair Waldorf speaking!"
Alessandra: "I know you think that's a joke, but you're not actually reconstructed enough yet to make that joke, so it's just kind of weird."

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