Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Fated To Pretend

Blair swears that her unforgiveable sin of inviting someone to the opera an hour late was a one-time mistake, an aberration, and calls him "Dean Wheeler." Realizing their error -- for say what you will, even Sarah Lawrence is a far cry from a brothel -- Serena and Chuck manage to look appropriately cowed. "Colleges stopped accepting applications months ago. Please? I don't have any other options..." The Dean apologizes again, and Blair forces her way out of the hose, past them all; Charles follows, worried, and Serena stops her in the street. "B, why didn't you tell us?" Blair's face is a mask of rage and hilarious disgust: "What, that I was coming to debase myself by begging to be accepted at Sarah Lawrence? Gee, you're right, why didn't I update my Facebook page?" Chuck offers approval at this sign of the old Blair; Serena as well, but for a different reason: "I knew you wouldn't give up." Blair corrects her: that time has now arrived. She storms away, warning them not to follow her, and they stare after. "Poor B couldn't spin this one in her favor! Looks like now, she's spinning out..." If only, Gossip Girl. You promise the whirlwind, and produce the balmiest of breezes instead.

The next day, Serena and Charles have arrived at the van der Bilt reception, for reasons known only to Chuck, who has learned from Dorota that Blair has fled to the country, for reasons unknown. They spot her immediately across the crowd of van der Bilts, as Chuck suggests Blair has decided to relaunch herself into blueblood society. Serena wears a lovely blue dress, with the obligatory plunging neckline, while Blair wears a black striped tight number, and strings of pearls with golden nautical charms around her neck. Serena gives immediate approval of Blair's look, which includes dark red baby-doll lips and is in fact quite stunning, and Blair nods. "I feel great." From this statement alone they should infer their cue: to fetch the big butterfly net post haste.

"I realized that while we can't tear out a single page of our life, we can throw the whole book in the fire," Blair quotes George Sand (her imaginary Yale dinner guest, if you recall): "She understands me. And what better place to go up in smoke than in front of the crème de la crème of New York society?" A woman approaches to condone her rejection of the Colony Club, laughing that they're too stuffy for her tastes as well. "That's because your tastes include sleeping with your driver and popping prescription meds!" she says, sending the woman off with a simpering grin. Serena steps in to stop her, but she's on a roll, bringing up the secret sex between Dan and Rachel during the play last week. Serena is understandably thrown, and Blair shines insanely. "By the end of tonight, the old Blair Waldorf will be dead and buried, with no chance of resurrection. Hey! You, garçon with the bubble butt. Arrête!" she shouts, charging after him. Serena's mind is blown, and Chuck jumps into action, sending Serena after Dan while he tries to keep "this social eulogy" from getting further out of hand.

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Gossip Girl

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