Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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Fated To Pretend

Nate enters, with Vanessa and Dan trailing behind so they can make a joke about security checks and her tiny cute purse. "I can't even put my lipstick in here," she complains, so what would she be smuggling in? "Liberal agenda? Universal health care? Education reform? Increase in the estate tax?" They clap themselves on the back so heartily that one of the van der Bilts concludes they are choking on canap├ęs, and in the blink of an eye both their tracheas have been stabbed open using a set of bejeweled platinum letter openers, a gift from the Kaiser in 1903. William approves of the cut of Nate's crest-monogrammed sport jacket: "Thank you, it fits perfectly," says Nate, and William foreshadows some more. "Of course it does." He welcomes Dan back to the house, and apologizes for the roughhousing yesterday; Dan's natural stammery charm comes through as he assures William that he's always wanted a football injury to impress the ladies. "Touch football?" asks Vanessa, and he gives a sweetly sheepish gotcha smile. William asks to borrow Nate, and absconds with him before receiving an answer. Dan and Vanessa go to find a drink -- drinks, in Vanessa's stressed-out case -- and Dan muses on whether the Humphreys even have a crest, that perhaps Jenny could stitch onto one of his cardigans.

Speaking of Humphrey cardigans, here's the Living Cardigan himself, Rufus Humphrey, calling in an order for Chinese and dipping into Lily's purse for the tip, only to discover the eighty-seven other pages of her whoredom shoved hastily into her Chanel billfold. "Rufus," she calls downstairs, "Do you need something?" As he stares at the numbers, self-righteousness rising in his gullet, he can only choke out a cowardly, subvocal "How about the truth?" Because why ever talk about anything, when resentment is so much more satisfying?

Let's ask Vanessa, who has a quick run-in with the ever more toxic/pathetic Trip van der Bilt at the champy station where he informs her that the meeting last night was about a summer internship William got Nate at the Mayor's office. Visions of pierogies dancing in her eyes, Vanessa assures Trip that he is mistaken, and he sort of bitterly agrees that somebody's obviously confused, and she stalks away. Nate grabs her, kissing her cheek, and there's a really great moment after she asks him if he's got anything to share where he sees it on her face and gets really guilty. After she demands that he turn down the internship, Nate counters that he hasn't made any decisions yet. She turns that around on him -- which is just cruel, to throw wordplay at him like this -- and says he's not in the business of making decisions at all, since William can do that for him.

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Gossip Girl

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