Blair reconsiders him: he is good. He is off on a path parallel to hers, family in tatters, college almost insurmountable. He heads back inside; she opens her mouth to say one thing but offers him his jacket instead, with the sweetest smile. She looks at him, adoring him again, and he smiles a bit. And when he's gone, she straightens her back and tries to remember what it felt like, before everything happened. She is Blair Waldorf.
Serena finds Dan, and slaps him across the mouth before he can say hello; he's surprised into laughter, almost, asking why, and she starts strong: "I don't know, Newland Archer. Try to rack your brain a little." Dan realizes B told her about the thing with Rachel, and points out that they were broken up at the time, and still are. "Oh, so that makes it okay to have sex with a teacher?"
He points out that she wasn't his teacher, which is the wrong thing to say, because he knew how special she was to Serena, how special she made Serena feel: "No, she was mine. And you slept with her at school, during a play, with me probably twenty feet away." Dan agrees that it was sleazy, but he's caught out by something, some devious and wonderful smile lurking in the corner of her mouth. Why is she smiling? "I don't know! I'm mad! But that was invigorating!" Straight-up adorable. She jumps with a giggle as he laughs, charming as ever, and then notes the clutch of girls taking their picture in the corner. She shoves him affectionately, and drags him off to get some ice.
On the couch, Lily asks Rufus to watch her, make sure she doesn't glut on the egg rolls, or she'll feel guilty later. "Not likely," he whines, and finally she's like "Fucking what, already?" He drops the extra list pages on their dinner tray and she apologizes, slowly chewing and wondering what's going on in his pointy little head. "Let's just pretend like this never happened," he snits. "That's obviously what you wanted." Which, I kind of get his point, which is why would you even play a game if you're just going to cheat? That's confused me since I was a little kid, like, why even bother playing Monopoly or Scrabble or whatever if you're not going to follow the rules? What benefit is there to winning a game, or playing it at all, if you don't play fair?
Rufus says that's why he didn't condense his list, and Lily gives an awesome Come On Dude face: "Your list was a dozen people. How much more condensed could it have been?" Rufus's feelings are hurt in a whole new way, and he obstinately juts out his chin: "I'm not embarrassed about my past," he whines, giving her the whole argument right there: "No. You're just embarrassed about mine." Nice! I swear Lily van der Woodsen could run you over with her car and still make you feel like an ass, I love it. She's so right all the time, even when she's terribly wrong, which is all the time. "When you saw the condensed version, you told me you were relieved." And it was gross! He reconsiders. She drops her food and suggests that maybe it worked after all, and they learned exactly what they needed to know. He stomps off and away without speaking, like any grown adult would do after being called on his total and essential hypocrisy. And I hope she ate the shit out of those eggrolls too.