Dan talks himself through locating a Scrabble dictionary online -- to prove "squiffy" is a word -- and narrates himself navigating to the Jimmy Fallon footage and explains aloud how it's labeled "Bathroom Boy" and then addresses himself adorably, Top Five Dan Humphrey moment no lie, about Olivia: "She's cute."

This great song by Republic Tigers about what it's like to be a robot and attempt to stop being a robot plays over Vanessa meeting the real version of the woman that Nate sent an actress to replace. At first the lady is irritated, then jealous of whoever bought the footage, then confused and enraged by the twist, and then confused an enraged by Vanessa's characteristic obliquity: "So who was the woman in the restaurant?" she asks the IRL lady, randomly, and the actress is awesomely like, "Um, what?" Then Vanessa and Nate bershon at each other across the room for like a million years and Nate tries to remember back far enough to explain why V's making mean faces at him.

When Dan comes back to the Scrabble game having seen the DAMAGING FOOTAGE, he bounces like immediately, and then everybody talks about how OOC it is for him to leave in the middle of a Scrabble game, because without being insufferable who is he. Olivia and Little J figure out that he found the DAMAGING FOOTAGE on her computer, and they run around like lunatics, and Rufus is like, "Scrabble is for words!" and Lily is like, "You are so gullible to think our kids would actually hang out with us!" and Rufus is like, "Where am I?" and then she gives him a doggie treat in his special platinum doggie bowl and scratches his tummy and he goes to sleep on the floor with his bangs in his eyes and he looks just like an angel. Good boy. Good boy, Rufus!

When Serena's lying her hands go to her hair, like for example when B comes to tell her about his drunkenness and rub it in a bit more, and S is pretending he's like just around the corner and B lets her twist until finally she's like, "Your fake boyfriend is a huge drunk just like you, and I had him thrown out." Which is three things, two of them intended to wound and one of which needed to be done, but because B buried the lede, it sounds like she did this just to be a dick. "He's drunker than Paula Abdul during Hollywood Week," B explains, and even though Serena knows that's probably true, she pulls a Nate on herself and says this is just because Blair is super jealous. Dumb. So then Blair just wades in throwing as many punches as she can, and getting some good ones in regarding the historical Bad Serena, before drawing the lines in the meanest, truest way possible: "This is Nate's big night, at Chuck's hotel. So sorry, S: I did what I had to do. Again."