Man, I'm grumpy. I think I have H1N1. But when I find myself in times of trouble, and I feel like I'm just going dark for no reason, you know what I say to myself? "Poor Little Orphan Jenny looks like she needs a Daddy Warbucks, but Daddy Warbucks don't grow on trees, at least not on a tree that grows in Brooklyn."
Who can frown in a world where that happened?
So Tripp wigs out like a Kennedy Clark Kent and Nate keeps telling Grandfather to give it up because he is evil, and Tripp says that if Grandfather doesn't take responsibility for the Hudson River Miracle, if he doesn't land that plane so to speak, he will drop out of the race, and Grandfather looks aggrieved as usual, and Nate gets a headache. Tripp goes off to tell Maureen he's dropping out of the race, and then Vanessa whooshes in from out of nowhere to lecture Nate -- whom she "used to call [her] friend" -- about how he was once a moral compass and is now a moral sewer, and then vanishes again. Like they're friends or were ever friends.
"Write to Make," an awesome song by Estate all about how the industry will use you up, plays over Serena investigating the prostitution angle with Brandeis. She even slips into her Savannah persona long enough to suggest to Brandy's Congressman friend that she is also a hooker, and he suggests they all go fuck -- "Let me guess: You want to go upstairs and see if two blondes make a right?" -- before Brandeis whisks her away and confirms that she is a hooker, and S tells her everything's fine and then goes off to get Brandeis thrown out with a triumphant smile. It's just smoke.
Chuck's with a reporter under a balcony on which ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ is once again flashing the view, shirt open and boxer briefs snug as ever: "I'm a businessman, not a politician... You think anyone goes to the Mercer for the maid service? They go because they want to see Russell Crowe throw a hissy. Anyway, nothing happens at the Empire without my say-so." Meanwhile, ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~ is tangoing with a security guard, and Chuck leads the reporter away none the wiser.
B's now looking everywhere for Brandeis, so S runs up and joyfully tells her Brandy just got escorted out because "She was an escort! A high-priced hooker!" B can't believe it, and they fight and fight, and Blair tries to level with Serena about how she was just protecting everybody, S included, when she got rid of ~♥~RPATTZ~♥~. Things are well past that, so when Chuck shows up to defuse the third problem/scene they're creating, S goes into "I'm too cool" mode and B goes straight-up tattletale. Chuck tells them both to chill, but Blair instead kicks into high gear. "And who's the one getting paid to date her clients anyway?" Chuck tells her to check herself, but Blair only knows how to wreck herself.