"I'm not saying I wouldn't go. If Serena asked me, I wouldn't deprive her of my company." Rufus agrees that this would be too cruel. Rufus is very scruffy and possibly surpassing the hotness levels he reached in the pilot as he tells Dan to just "make it happen" and "put [him]self out there" and whatever Lonely Rocker Self-Help madness he has read this week. Dan points out that the Ball is happening in a few hours, so it's kind of late for bold gestures. Of course, the phone rings, but not of course, it is not Serena. It's Vanessa Effing Abrams. He stalls for three rings but finally answers, and her first question is whether he still has her copy of The Crying Of Lot 49, which, let's talk first of all about "pretentious," and second of all, how ironic, because they're both a total W.A.S.T.E. He's like, WTF, but it turns out that she's sitting in his bedroom window! Not creepy at all! Giggling! He has a minor meltdown for reasons we will soon understand, and they chat about how it's great/not-great/weird for her to be there right now in the flesh, and when his phone rings, Vanessa leaves him to it. Rufus, of course, loooves Vanessa. All of this reminds me of an awesome t-shirt the posters mentioned this week on the forums: "Wouldn't It Be Ironic If You Went The Fuck Back To Williamsburg?" Even after nearly a week that still fills me with delight.

Serena takes a billion years, with Blair pushing in the background, to get to the point, juuuust long enough that she manages to overhear Vanessa running around the house, cramming all of Rufus's delicious food into her face. Dan, of course, because he is Dan, blurts that it's just his sister talking, and of course she's managed to make it across town to Stately Waldorf Manor in the five seconds since she left the last scene, so S spots her, so then she's sad. Meanwhile, Little J's hopes of attending are dashed, so that's two sad blondes, and then S does something amazing: totally spazzes out. "No, uh, no, never mind, thank you, have a good day." "Have a good day"? That's crazy awesome. I love Serena. He's like, "Um, okay?" and then hangs up the phone. As V asks Lonelyboy what they're doing tonight, S spills that she's going to need a date to the Ball. B: "Whaaaa?"