The Captain, Nate's father, bitches and moans about the starch in his shirt, and N's heretofore invisible mommy, who is blonde and icy like every other mommy in New York City, is like, "This isn't about laundry, this is about your desperate need to get the Waldorf account," like, so much so that he's whoring out his own child, and in turn because, as we're about to learn, he is a giant cokehead. So maybe it's not even really about Eleanor Waldorf's IPO, and more about how being a giant cokehead makes you act like a prick? Nate comes into this situation looking dewy in his PJs and a robe, and watches them exposit for awhile. The Captain runs off back to the office to "look over the proposal" again, and her shoulders slump like she knows that actually means "do a bunch more cocaine," and you can translate the Archibalds' secret codes all day, but man are they boring. She tells N everything's fine, and he stands stock still on the stairs, trying to form like a single thought.

Vanessa shrieks about the wonders of New York City and how in Vermont there is only one movie theatre, which shows wholesome family fare, such as The Pacifier, starring -- you guessed it -- her brother-in-phenotype Vin Diesel. She can't pick a movie, so Dan has to pick the movie, which means putting his (we assume) cinematic knowledge on shout, I guess, because they are just overwhelmed by choice, and anyway, he doesn't want to fully commit to their outing, not really, because what if Serena calls? And not that he's the Seth, but this is all kind of Sethly, right here. It's a bit more subtle, because it's all happening via cell phones, so you just have Dan's stuttering to go on, really. Vanessa posits that in fact he's not into this date behavior because he's got plans for a "big night out with overprivileged, under-parented trust-fund brats" from his "fancy school," and threatens to egg and slash the tires of his imaginary limousine. She then asks if it's weird having her around, and he stares at her bizarre, complicated, beautiful face for awhile. She has five times, easily, the number of features that people usually have on their faces, so it takes a while. It comes out that Dan professed love for Vanessa before she left, the very night in fact, and now it's been a year. OMG they're like Blair and Serena, only less likeable. And they don't, um, hold my interest. He finally agrees to the movie, now that the elephant in the room is finally romping around like XXX the gay super-agent, and they agree it's good to have her home. The rest of Brooklyn will reserve judgment at this time.