Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
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Bet They Collect Things, Like Ashtrays & Art

S gets off the phone with Crazypants so she can say hi to Damien Dalgaard, Jenny's drug dealer friend, because apparently they went to the boarding school together. Which was apparently called Boarding School, because nobody ever thought up a name for it. This is the beginning of their actual conversation:

S: "I thought you were gonna become a Belgian prince or something after Boarding School."
DD: "My father took the ambassador post."

I love the idea that possibly they're both just that confused about how things work. "I thought you were going to become an Alsatian after grad school. Like Rin Tin Tin, isn't that what you always said?" "No, I ended up being a spaceman."

They talk about how PTSD Serena was during her five minutes or one year at Boarding School Boarding School, due to having whored it up with three different castmembers and then killed a man, and then about how Damien was the "Mr. Perfect" of Boarding School Boarding School, due to having great grades and much in the way of athletic achievement. It's easy to excel when you're thirty-five years old and still in high school. Anyway, they talk about catching up and an amazing thing occurs. I want you to try and discern the problem here:

DD: "Well, I'm late to meet a friend, so... I'd love to catch up some more."
S: "Yeah, great. Text me your number!"

So when that doesn't work out -- which I guess they already know it won't but maybe don't know exactly why -- they'll see each other at this dinner. Serena leaves, Damien is grotesque as usual, and of course he has the sneak for her. Oh, I hope he thinks she's still Bad Serena and she has to set him straight about How She's Changed. That would be novel.

Speaking of novelty, B's back on her fucking Table √Člitaire kick, even though she's already gotten over that idea like three times, but spinning her wheels is what Blair does this season, so whatever. Chuck's lost some weight and looks resplendent in pink. They discuss the locket from the grave, and how Chuck is totally trying to find this mystery lady even though he keeps saying he's not looking for the mystery lady, and it's totally uninteresting and they repeat themselves one hundred times. She wants C to introduce her to some horrible French douche who just happens to have linkage to both Parisian hotels and secret college jerkoff societies. Not even trying anymore, show. Perhaps Monsieur Duris will need some CBGBs memorabilia that some other dumb person also needs, and C and B can fight over it only to discover that Monsieur Duris, and in fact the country of France, are all an elaborate deception by one Georgina Sparks.

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Gossip Girl

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