Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
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Bet They Collect Things, Like Ashtrays & Art

Jenny lolls about on the bed waiting for her silver fox drug dealer to make a move, while looking at this... scrapbook he's apparently put together all about the French ambassador's horselike daughter Violette. Why is it there? So Jenny can stare at the pictures and flash like Chuck on her fashion problems, and the solve DD's problem, which involves getting drugs to the overprotected Violette during an affair of state. So there's a hideous shrug with bedazzle all over it, and she's like, "I will make this hideous shrug, but we can put pills in the paillettes, and then some more pointlessly complex things can happen in order to make sure Violette leaves with the drug shrug. He's like, "You're a genius!" And she's all giggly and cute and crushing on him and he doesn't even know.

Dan comes home to DUMBO, where Lily is just wandering mindlessly, and Dan figures out that A) Lily has no idea where Rufus is and B) given the skis in the corner, Rufus wants it that way. Lily's thrown by this reveal and immediately takes off with her brittle smile she has sometimes, and Dan feels very terrible and very much like getting all up in somebody else's shit instead of contemplating the fucking abyss of monsters that being in love with Vanessa clearly implies about your soul.

Blair has dressed up in furry boots, a huge fur hat, black leather gloves that lace up to the elbows, and an adorable gunmetal chemise. This is what she does when nobody's supervising her, I guess -- or she's going over the top because she knows Chuck is hiding something from her, and has decided to take her own advice and game the whole situation. She calls him "Vronsky" and herself "Anna Karenina," but unlike the literary references we think of as "literary references," it has little to do with this entire situation and has already been referenced a few times in other situations. Whatever, she's game-playing but he doesn't have time for her shit and she still wants to do this "formal introduction" to the French guy, which is as least gesturally in character, and he's like, "I don't have time for this! I have to not be looking for the mystery lady!" Well, there's one good line: "I just assumed you'd rather not cross paths with Carla Bruni," he says, and she's like, "Word."

So she has now confirmed that he's lying, and leaves in her weird costume just as Nate comes home to the penthouse, where he giggles about how crazy she is and she acts crazy and brittle, and meanwhile Chuck is talking in this weird ascot argot to the doorman, a conversation that would never ever happen but particularly in this fucked up way: "I've been waiting here for four hours. Has Elizabeth Fisher still not returned? Why did she not get my message that I was waiting for her in the bar?" Why are you talking in this manner to a random doorman outside a strange hotel? The doorman is like, "She checked out and went somewhere else." Which we find out later is the Algonquin, which is down the street.

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Gossip Girl

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