Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
Bet They Collect Things, Like Ashtrays & Art

Jenny's got her drug-shrug all made and they're very proud of her, but then Damien drops the news that he's taking S to the dinner instead of Jenny, and Jenny's like, "A, she's with Nate now, not that I'm okay with that; B, she's not a drug mule like me, because she has finally found a little self-esteem; C, do not ever fucking scorn a Humphrey, because their fucking-things-up powers are stronger than any mortal's, even just on accident." To illustrate the point, she says she'll warn S about the drugs in the shrug, but Damien shrugs and mugs and tells Little J she's implicated anyway, so blackmail's off the table, which sort of flips her back into remembering not to play this like a little jealous girl, so she backs off for the nonce, pissed as hell, gears already turning.

Damien Dalgaard, you best check yourself before you irrevocably wreck yourself. You are looking into the fiery depths of the worst kind of Jenny there is, right there, because her ass does not give a shit. Set you on fire, light up your panties with an invisible dress, get your boyfriend ambushed whilst wearing priceless movie memorabilia, launch a guerilla fashion show, stage a proletarian uprising at Pinkberry -- whatever it is, as long as it involves Nate's dick somehow, she's already got it mapped out on graph paper and she will not hesitate.

Blair is now dressed in black sequins, I'm going to stick with Blade Runner as the reference, and looks like a million except for her ugly earrings. Chuck says he can't meet her "for dîner ce soir," for some reason, and she rants at him about whatever the hell, and she looks a little bit like Elizabeth in this scene, somehow, and whatever, she's jealous but mostly obsessing on Table Élitaire, moreso than the constant pointless lies of Chuck, and finally interrupts the list of his crazy evidence, a little harshly, "...Clearly has no interest in being found by you. You've been looking for weeks, and nothing. One dinner with me won't make a difference." He hisses back about fuck the Table Élitaire and that his real life has actual real problems in it, and she... You know how good she is. Her face goes from WTF to what just happened to this fight can't risk escalating to just turning and leaving. And by the time Chuck turns round to apologize, she's at the elevator. No amount of crummy writing can really hurt their chemistry, the acting is always going to keep it aloft, but it is maddening sometimes.

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Gossip Girl




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