Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: C | Grade It Now!
Bet They Collect Things, Like Ashtrays & Art

Diplomats, wearing their little outfits and wives. Serena gets out of a towncar with her usual boob dress, under the stupid drug shrug, looking mismatched and dumb, and Damien escorts her inside, and Nate stares like he's losing control of his bladder, and Little J appears out of nowhere, like maybe that's one of the tricks B bequeathed her as Queen, and goes, "His name's Damien." Nate stares at her for a sec, this is brill, and then exclaims, "Oh! Hey, Jenny!" Like it took him a second to place her. He's so amazing.

Jenny looks absolutely fantastic, makeup-wise, like three different blue eyeshadows and Barbie-pink lips, and her hair in a great little middle-part/bun nobody else on this show ever does, and they all head inside so Serena and Nate can literally gasp, "I can't believe you're here with her/him!" S tries to be bitchy about it, but it's so out of character and dumb that it barely registers; the two couples quietly and calmly file inside with the most non-drama of all non-drama, and Gossip Girl is screaming, like, "CAN YOU EVEN BELIEVE THIS SHIT?"

And you're like, "No, actually. Because this whole episode is a lot of urgent spirit-fingers hand-waving around the very simple, very stupid plot, which is that Blair and Dan unrealistically pushed Serena and Nate to take random other people to this dinner that none of them should even be at anyway, and there's a jacket made of drugs in play, and their weird objections and warnings shouldn't have even worked in the first place, so yeah. The only realistic thing in this mess is that Jenny Humphrey can literally turn anything whatsoever into an attempt to fuck Nate Archibald. Which we already knew. So stop trying to make me think something is happening here, because it's not. There are times when GG getting coked up has added a certain frisson to things, but if you're going to tell us how exciting it is, don't forget the part where you at least make it interesting."

Blair is wonderful and overjoyed to see Serena there without Nate, which charms Serena no end, and if you posit this dumb story it really is charming, and Damien goes off somewhere to be gross, and Serena tells Blair that her dumb idea is dumb, but working because guess what, Nate is also totally dumb. He makes pretty, sad faces from across the room, to demonstrate, and Blair reminds S about how Little J is, so obviously her coming with Nate was entirely her idea, and then goes back to babbling about her stupid secret society thing, and Serena commits to saying, "Blair, you know you don't need Chuck. Anyone who meets you can see you're an elitist snob who's perfect to run a secret society. Bonne chance." Which is a perfectly acceptable line of dialogue, if you like hearing the same jokes over and over. She kisses B and runs off, and Blair heads out to look for Monsieur Duris while jenny ambushes Damien as he's getting reamed by French Daughter Violette. This is the first time you can see her fucked up dress, which is topped with black netting and a spiderweb design. They gleam and dimple and smarm at each other, but eventually Damien promises Jenny that the jacket is coming off Serena, sober or drunk.

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Gossip Girl




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