That is totally what this storyline is going to be about. Like if a Serena storyline and a Dan storyline had a self-loathing, aimlessly entitled baby with class issues. That is awesome! Nate spots Diana with her phone, manages to look surprised by any of this, and she's like, "I am incorrigible!"
HUMPHREY IN THE HOUSE
Rufus & Lily arrive, and once again Rufus has moved the goalposts: "No phones? I like this party already." Yeah, and next week he'll be like, "Man, I'm just glad it's outside Manhattan and the hermetic existence of the wealthy," and then the week after that he'll be saying, "I don't mind these parties, I just wish people wouldn't talk about TV so much and just be real for once," and then before you know it he'll hardly be better than anybody at all. But he'll still feel like his old self.
Bitches: "Lily van der Bassphrey is here? Let's git her!"
Rufus: "Are those bitches being bitches to you? How unexpected."
Lily: "You know what, it's enough to be here and drunk with you. House arrest has finally broken my spirit and I have lost my sense of shame or social hierarchy."
Jamie Johnson: "Lily, I am okay with saying hi to you. I am Walking the Walk."
Lily: "I am desperately lonely and a social outcast, so I feel okay about you too. But don't let me keep you from telling Nate exactly how fucked he will be if he turns on our pack of wolves and documents our ridiculous lifestyles as an insider."
(Dan: "Or me. You are kind of the point of things right now, turns out. Kinda brilliant, actually.")
Jamie Johnson: "I'm actually doing okay these days. Occupy the Upper East Side!"
Aw, it was nice to see him. Good egg. Meanwhile, Serena has called to tell Lily that Ivy is at the party or something, but there are no cell phones because of Andre Leon Talley, so they are surprised to see Cousin Peepers roaming the party in a gorgeous gown.
Ivy: "Lily, welcome to the outside. I bet you feel just like that young man whose life you ruined, when he was finally free to walk the streets and sleep with the formerly underage."
Lily: "Cousin Peepers, your mom is standing over there, looking haggard as usual with her eyes bugging out. She may be packing."
Chris Benz: "Why is everybody calling me The Sucklord? I am famous!"
MY GOD THE ROMANCE
Dan: "Simon Doonan, you're probably the only person diminutive enough that I could take, even in my weakened state. Please loan me Blair for a second so I can make sure she's following my life instructions to the letter. I'm just so concerned, you see, about her welfare."
Doonan: Splits to write another offensively awful series of his hit autobiographical series about being a faggy anachronistic stereotype, cling to fame some more, and check on his pot of gold.