Rufus: "It's so hard having a pretend job producing some emo band!"
Lily: "It's so hard doing nothing all day except what I always do every day anyway!"
Rufus: "I'm just glad we got rid of most of our children."
Carol: "Hey, Lily. Have you talked to Cousin Peepers? She bounced a trust fund check in LA and I know it's actually Ivy that did that, so I'm using you to track down my partner in fraud."
Lily: "I'll ask Serena if she's seen her, she'll be home in a second. Momma's lonely and looking to decimate some self-esteem if at all possible. I haven't driven a child to suicide since we kicked two of our children out of the entire show, and Chuck's always so self-destructive it's no fun."
Carol: "Can I fly up and see you? I have no way of knowing Serena's brought my fake daughter back with her from LA, so there's literally no reason for me to do that."
Lily: "I don't like you and you're totally sketchy, but I guess I'm lonely enough. Are you feeling vulnerable and like being stuck in a gilded cage with me would push you over the edge? Because I could use the practice."
Carol: "Always. Plus your functioning relationship with our mother galls me to the bone. See you tonight!"
Dan: "Hey Blair, did you obey my instructions to the letter?"
Blair: "Yes. I am lying."
Dan: "I know you're lying, because I located you on GPS and have stalked you to this boutique. I'm getting really angry about your disobedience, in a passive-aggressive and controlling fashion that masquerades as friendship."
Blair: "I am so lost that I am actually grateful to you, as usual. I've never felt so close to Serena."