Lily: "God damn I am drunk."
Serena: "Isn't it so exciting about my made-up job that fulfills literally countless contradictory plot requirements?"
Lily: "Honey, I'm so glad to see a human being not wearing a leather wrist-cuff and choker that I will actually give you this one. By the way, did you see crazy Cousin Peepers in LA? Her mom's looking for her and naturally called me, who can't leave this apartment and has no reason to be in contact with either of them anyway."
Serena: "I am not ready to segue into that whole deal, so can I feel you out first?"
Lily: "Well, on the one hand I fucking hate your aunt, but on the other hand I have developed a sense of ethics and parenting, and I don't want to lie to a fellow mother."
Serena: "Peepers is a grown woman with an independent access to her trust fund and limitless potential to do something meaningful or something. Like myself."
Ivy, eavesdropping: "That is nice of her to say, considering we don't actually know each other at all."
Lily: "Peepers is also a crazy bitch that tried to get your brother to fuck her while calling her by your name, though. And I've just now retrained Rufus to stop combing through our garbage cans for 'clues' all the time."
Ivy: "That is less nice to hear. I better skip town instead of grifting this nice family that endlessly talks shit behind my back, and their own, all the time."
Ivy vanishes and Serena's lightly steamed and Lily completely forgets to mention the very important fact that Carol is right now flying to NYC for literally no reason at all.
Lady: "Prince Louis said he loves the importance of family in your life, one of the many things he has imagined to love about you. When are going to get knocked up? That's a sensible question to ask, months before your wedding, right?"
Blair: "You can't know this, but you're only asking because it's required of the plot to heap pressure on me about my secret pregnancy. As for the answer, I'm befuddled."
Lady: "Well, what he said is that you don't want kids yet and he's not ready to be a father."
Blair: "Well. Fuck it."