Lady, verbatim: "Blair, you'll be escorted by Simon Doonan."
Blair: "Uh, fairly sure I said 'witty gay,' not 'bitter leprechaun wannabe.' Why not just throw fucking Michael Kors at me and he can make the same joke at my expense eleven times without regard to whether it applies or makes basic sense?"
Lady: "He's already escorting Hadley Nagel."
Nate: "Fellows! Let us talk of restaurants."
Congressman & Congresswife: "Restaurants! They are for food."
Nate, relaxing as though born to it: "I am a journalist."
Payne, filming with her phone: "I too am a journalist."
Congressman & Congresswife: "We are happily married."
Nate: "How did you enjoy your romantic sunbathing trip to Mykonos? I couldn't see your face, madame, but that ass was crunk."
Congresswife: "How dare you, Congressman! Why you told me you were in Athens!"
Nate: "You mean you are unfaithful, Congressman? How could I know that?"
Congressman & Congresswife: "We are getting a divorce!"
Nate: "I am the very hand of destruction! I wish I had my puppy here."
Congressman, verbatim: "And here I thought you were the nice one in your family."
That is totally what this storyline is going to be about. Like if a Serena storyline and a Dan storyline had a self-loathing, aimlessly entitled baby with class issues. That is awesome! Nate spots Diana with her phone, manages to look surprised by any of this, and she's like, "I am incorrigible!"
HUMPHREY IN THE HOUSE
Rufus & Lily arrive, and once again Rufus has moved the goalposts: "No phones? I like this party already." Yeah, and next week he'll be like, "Man, I'm just glad it's outside Manhattan and the hermetic existence of the wealthy," and then the week after that he'll be saying, "I don't mind these parties, I just wish people wouldn't talk about TV so much and just be real for once," and then before you know it he'll hardly be better than anybody at all. But he'll still feel like his old self.
Bitches: "Lily van der Bassphrey is here? Let's git her!"
Rufus: "Are those bitches being bitches to you? How unexpected."
Lily: "You know what, it's enough to be here and drunk with you. House arrest has finally broken my spirit and I have lost my sense of shame or social hierarchy."