Ivy: "'Mom,' thanks for 'understanding' that this is where 'I' am 'meant to be.'"
Carol: "Fuck this, I'm going to bed. I still don't even know why I came here."
Ivy, during a hug-just-for-show: "'Mom,' I just wanted to say that I'm going to make sure that CeCe reinstates your access to 'my' trust. Will that make you stop being mad at me?"
Carol: "I am going to show up when you least expect it and fuck your life in the face. Until then, you are on your fucking own. But thanks for the cash, bitch."
Ivy: Kind of sad how that went down, but Carol blinked first, so suck it.
Actual Charlie: "I cannot wait to be on this show. I am most certainly a trainwreck."
Gossip Girl: "The true author of a tell-all tome has been revealed, and the author's name is one everyone will recognize. But the question is, will anyone want to say it again once the book is out?"
Alessandra's got a note -- Get ready for the ride of your life! -- tucked into Dan's jacketed, hardcover, advance copy of his book that was bought at most eight weeks ago. He slavers and drools at his name on the cover, but the note gives him pause. Perhaps he can hear Gossip Girl teasing him, somehow, about his inevitable downfall. Or maybe he's remembering his storyline for the past four episodes and how all of those things are still true. Either way, the biggest change in this show after S3 has been the burgeoning excellence and awesomeness of Dan, and that's clearly set to continue, so it's exciting on that level too. Just make your movie and eat a sandwich, you look like a muppet.
Louis and Blair stare at each other just long enough to worry you, and then of course Louis is overjoyed. He's very, very cute when he's overjoyed I must say. Turns out that he only told Hello! about not being ready because he didn't want her getting Baby Bump coverage and pressure, but in fact he is totally ready. (Upside, again.) Anyway, they go out for soufflés, because morning sickness usually disappears after two weeks in the first trimester, and before they leave she hides the taped-together results in her vanity and acts all sketch. Aw, Blair.
Meanwhile, Chuck has the weirdest crying face of all time, and until the dog comes and licks his tears, well, it looks like he's dealing with his sadness in a whole other way.
Ivy: "When Blair came running up at the show they totally mislaid my phone and I didn't realize it until just now."
Serena: "That's okay, I'm more interested in mean-girling you about your fashion sense."