Iconoclast! Talking shit about Grace Coddington is like talking shit about a three-legged puppy. I mean, I guess it's okay to be realistic about how crazy she looks now because she was a great model and everything, but it still seems like a cheap shot. Like how we all have to pretend Sophia Loren's still got it. But I guess Blair's just on edge. I guess having Dan Humphrey up your ass all day will do that to a person.
Dan: "Well, you're not the only person I'm manipulating and Abramsing right now, so you go do whatever pointless shit you're doing today that doesn't concern me -- unlike this personal trauma that doesn't concern me in any way -- and I will meet you back at your house, at a time I will specify, so that I can watch sternly as you open this envelope, like I'm one of your gay dads and not your obvious love interest."
Blair: "That sounds totally normal. Hey, your hair looks like a muppet because you have become weirdly tiny. Burn!"
Lily: "God damn I am drunk."
Serena: "Isn't it so exciting about my made-up job that fulfills literally countless contradictory plot requirements?"
Lily: "Honey, I'm so glad to see a human being not wearing a leather wrist-cuff and choker that I will actually give you this one. By the way, did you see crazy Cousin Peepers in LA? Her mom's looking for her and naturally called me, who can't leave this apartment and has no reason to be in contact with either of them anyway."
Serena: "I am not ready to segue into that whole deal, so can I feel you out first?"
Lily: "Well, on the one hand I fucking hate your aunt, but on the other hand I have developed a sense of ethics and parenting, and I don't want to lie to a fellow mother."
Serena: "Peepers is a grown woman with an independent access to her trust fund and limitless potential to do something meaningful or something. Like myself."
Ivy, eavesdropping: "That is nice of her to say, considering we don't actually know each other at all."
Lily: "Peepers is also a crazy bitch that tried to get your brother to fuck her while calling her by your name, though. And I've just now retrained Rufus to stop combing through our garbage cans for 'clues' all the time."
Ivy: "That is less nice to hear. I better skip town instead of grifting this nice family that endlessly talks shit behind my back, and their own, all the time."