Payne: "Disaster! Andre Leon Talley is still a minor cultural blip despite being a huge and obvious joke!"
Nate: "I know the feeling."
Payne: "He is the '90s harshest indictment. Anyway, can I interest you in a complex scam or something?"
Nate: "You know how you hired me to fuck you and do zero work for this imaginary business?"
Payne: "I am aware. Also, your mouth is moving and words are coming out."
Nate: "Well, here's the thing. I would like to feel legit. If I'm going to do pretend work for this pretend office, I need at least plausible deniability that it's real. Haven't you ever seen The Rachel Zoe Project? A life without meaning is by definition meaningless."
Payne: "So if firing my entire staff right before launch wasn't enough of a ridiculous plot twist for you, I'm going to have to endanger my career and reputation by pretending you're an actual person? This is your negotiating strategy? Whining?"
Nate: "I would appreciate it. Or else I will run off to the many internships my mother has arranged with the talking creatures of the forest."
Payne: "How would you like to interview that Congressman you already know, at the Jenny Packham show? He's going to be there, along with whatever Twitter is."
Nate: "Isn't this like every storyline where Serena is used for her connections and eventually figures out that painfully obvious fact?"
Payne: "Yes. Except in this case, it's actually a valid business model. But hey, I hear Olivia Palermo is looking for a job..."
Nate: "No! Anything but her. I will gladly interview some guy at some party."
Payne: "Great. Now get on your knees and earn that paycheck."
Nate: "The only words that ever mean anything to me."
Blair: "Stop starin' at me, envelope! I better check Gossip Girl. Oh, it says here Chuck handed some dog to some guy. I guess that's fuckin' news these days."
Dan, texting: "Blair, I can you and feel you not opening that envelope. I have eyes and ears everywhere. I am the patron saint of your vagina. Do what I say."
Packham Tix: "Blair, use us! Love us! Big party at the end of the episode and you are invited, along with the entire cast! Do not think! Do not obey! Do not treat us like whatever Chuck was doing on Gossip Girl!"
Blair: "You got it, Jenny Packham tickets. Dorota! Time to pretend!"