Gossip Girl
The Jewel Of Denial

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: B+
Charlie The Unicorn

Dorota: "But Miss Blair, you have pregnant and fiancé come from Cologne for charity and to dinner at him with food. Plus Mr. Humphrey to ride your ass about absurd envelope."
Blair: "Mention that name again, and you'll be exiled to work the rest of your days in someplace horrible, like the Upper West Side. You know what happens to housekeepers there?"
Dorota, terrified: "The Zabar's zombies..."


Results Envelope: "But Blair! Open me! Be not afraid! Sorry about the pressure from Humphrey, but it's really not about him at all! And he will hound you to the ends of the earth unless you open me anyway! Time stands still for no woman, no matter how powerful she would like to one day be?"
Blair: Rips that mother into like a million pieces. How dare you, Envelope.


Ivy: "Hey, I'm here to return Serena van der Woodsen's tickets by hand. Don't ask why. I sure didn't."
Lady: "Sure, just put on this dress and feel the mighty power of a Rhodes Woman controlling your every move through artifice and avarice."
Ivy: "That... Is a very pretty dress."

Her crazy Cousin Peepers eyes turn into dollar signs and pimp chalices courtesy of Jacob the Jeweler, and she drops all of her luggage, the better to put a bunch of Rhodes baggage on her back forever. Have some champers, Peepers! It's not contraindicated because you were never really on medication! Feel the chiffon, the exquisite beading, slipping and sliding sensuously against your soul. Max who? Max why? Roll around like a hound dog, its scent all over you. Live your dreams... says the note from Serena, slipped into the décolletage.

Ivy: "Why is Serena like this? And what are my dreams? For now, they are this dress and some matching shoes and a life chock-full of lies and crazy."
The Scourge Of The Rhodes Women Curse: "Another one bites the dust! Mwahahaha! I'll have you in the Ostroff Center by November at this rate!"
Gossip Girl, and it's pretty legit: "How about it, Charlie? One last Cinderella moment before you turn back into a bumpkin..."


Rufus: "Did you miss me? I was gone for forty-five minutes!"
Lily: "I can literally see two of you. Hand me that bottle, Momma wants to do a kegstand."
Rufus: "Actually, I was thinking that since I've been working for weeks to get you a sudden random early release without your knowledge..."
Lily: "-- Total Humphrey move..."
Rufus: "...That I'd come let you know that your ankle bracelet has been deactivated for the last hour, and you are totally cleared of any wrongdoing in the destruction of that entire family."
Lily: "Wow, if only my expensive team of lawyers had asked politely."

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Gossip Girl




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