Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Temper Trap

A chill runs through Lily's entire body, and now Dan can feel the danger rising underneath their feet as well, and she doesn't even bother explaining it because she knows Dan is a good lieutenant and the only kid she's got left: "Dan. When you see Serena, please tell her to stop whatever it is she's planning on doing before she destroys our family." She runs off, leaving Dan looking terrified and Eric rolling around on the couch clutching his little tummy, giggling to beat the band. And an adorable sight it is. Even when he plays rough, it's still the cutest thing!

Eleanor grabs Blair by the throat, swinging her into a wall until her head clangs like a bell. "What were you planning to do, lobby Ms. Nooyi for a job in the changing room?" Blair maintains her composure, despite her legs windmilling beneath her: "No, I was going to wait until after. Meetings in underwear tend not to be taken seriously." But Lord Vader will not be trifled about. "You would use me, and jeopardize my business, to pursue a career you thought of five minutes ago? Based on some 'Power List'?"

True. It sounds awfully reckless when you put it like that. Or else maybe you just don't know what 100% Total Commitment looks like, as I've found myself saying to bewildered onlookers a lot this last week. Maybe you're just shocked by the sight of a bulletproof tiger in your fucking midst.

Blair sort of accidentally blurts out that all she's trying to do is find a female role model -- an imaginary Thorpe, if you will -- so she doesn't end up turning into her mother. Lord Vader is not amused one god damned bit. "Fine, dear. Now that I realize that your childish games are actually who you are and not a phase, I wouldn't want someone like you wanting to be like me. And you are fired," she whispers, leaning in with her full weight onto Blair's shoulder until she nearly crumples into a nearby chocolate fountain and puts an end to Rachel Zoƫ once and for all.

"Let's just say my patience is as strained as your mother's credibility," says Chuck, which: Sure, let's just say that, shall we? Serena tries to stoke the fires of his hate in a very Serena way, which is by explaining her own unrelated problems. "We should take her down! Because she forged an affidavit and kidnapped a County Judge! Two things that have nothing to do with you!" Chuck nods and ignores her and aims her at a "journalist" for the Post, but then Dan steps in to lecture her about his unrelated problems in turn (and switch their envelopes).

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Gossip Girl

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