And it's not because they're both vapid and spineless, or because they don't really give a shit about each other, or because they are both gay for Blair or Nate, or because they are brother and sister, or because secretly they get on each other's nerves, no. No. The reason they refuse to take an active interest in each other's lives -- ever! -- is because they love each other too much.
Therefore they are going to take a break from not dating, so they can take the courageous step of... Not dating some more. Dan and Serena breaking up is the new Dan and Serena breaking up:
"If we ever do jump in again, that'll be it. We either sink or swim. We won't get another chance. And when that time comes, we better make damn sure we're ready."
Dan kisses her cheek and she smiles with the sweetest smile, just as the song says, "And then you'll see her again," and it feels pretty classic for a second. Got a little misty.
(Okay, also but there is a part of me that cannot wait for this. And I hope it's not the finale of this season, lame, or even next season, but like Season Seven or One Hundred, when shit gets all intense and the commercials are like "Death! Weddings! Valor!" and people with children of their own will be like, "Well, what? I had to tune in, Serena and Dan were finally going to take their last chance. Don't make fun of me! It's just like Dawson and Joey, or Rachel and Joey, or Niles and Daphne, or any other show where the guy finally realized he was gay* and the girl was kind of annoying.")
Nate calls the Captain to yell at him about whatever it is he's been whistling and chirping about all episode, and the Captain is like, "Mister I got my lips around a Chicago Superdog right now, trust me: Daddy's taking care of it." And the Captain and the New Guy drink to their scary new alliance where they try to convince the UES they are not trashy, by purchasing it together. (But which also means that Nate's dad is living in the Empire rent-free while helping his new BFF take out Bass and maybe even the Palace, maybe even the Empire, which also gets even more complicated in a second with Chuck and Raina. This season rules so hard.)
*(I know, chief. It's a joke.)
Warpaint's "Elephants" plays as Dan comes downstairs and says he's not going to be visiting for awhile and Blair tells him to go swallow dirty pennies from toilets of course and of course he asks her to go see another movie and of course she goes without any prompting at all, and S heads over to the jailhouse for her final mind-blowing Serena Move of the night: