Serena: "Hey, can I talk to Ben Donovan? I know this is jail and it's totally the middle of the night, but like I really need to talk to him."
Underpaid Third-Shift Turnkey: "Oh well, Miss van der Woodsen, I would love to do that for you -- and can I get you a snack? -- but it turns out Litchfield County Judge -- let me get you the name of the legal functionary whose name is right here on this file -- a Judge Stephens, it says, talked to your mom a couple of days ago and filed Ben's parole while hiding from you in the luxurious Palace Hotel, and it only just went through today, minutes after you threatened to blackmail both your mother and the judge and she refused to tell you any of this had happened. Sorry I can't be of more service. Is there anything else you need? Because I'm horribly paid and various childhood abuses led me to this line of work, so it's about time for the midnight pistol-whippings that keep me from murdering my wife or starting a riot, but you know, something about your aura just makes me want to do the utmost in terms of customer service."
Serena: "Just admire my black trenchcoat, please. I was thinking about it the entire time that Dan person was talking, talking at me in my bedroom and I decided that a black trenchcoat would be a good outfit for Nighttime Jail, because I already wore my one good Food Court outfit last time but this makes me look like a detective. It's possible I am a detective."
Turnkey: "Done and done, madam. Now, may I show you to the empty street outside this jail, where you will be summarily raped and murdered because it is the middle of the night?"
Serena: "No, I can find my way there. Probably."
Lily, on Russell Thorpe: "Oh my God. It's not just his disloyalty, or deviousness, it's his pomposity. Because if there's one thing you're allowed to hate about a black man, it's his arrogance and any other synonyms for pride."
Rufus, on Russell Thorpe: "Also, you fucked him."
Lily: "Ah, so you remembered that? Well listen, it was just so Bart could watch. Some white guys have this thing about..."
Rufus: "Honey, I get it. Trust me."
Chuck: Fancy meeting you here, daughter of my enemy.
Raina: I always tell the truth. And I hate bars, except for this one. And I want to apologize to you because I didn't tell the truth, because I always tell the truth. And because I always tell the truth, the truth is that my father sabotaged your acquisition deal at his party. Which was completely obvious, but I always tell the truth so I am telling you the truth.