Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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The Temper Trap

B's new Powerful Woman -- and God, I love this storyline for real -- is Indra Nooyi, Forbes' #6 Most Powerful Lady Of The World, so now she's got three days to trap and skin her and wear her skin like a power suit made of Powerful Lady's suit-skin. S, who could not care less about anything, is like, "Yeah, so where is Dan? I need to talk to him or whatever about something, not sure what, I'm sure it'll come to me." Blair's eyes bug out again. "I DON'T KNOW WHERE DAN IS, STOP PROSECUTING ME SERENA BROCKOVICH. I DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS 'DAN' YOU SPEAK OF. IS HE A POWERFUL WOMAN?"

Kinda yes, kinda no.

But in the interest of being friends and showing a caring loving roommate side and for no other reason, what exactly is the situation between Serena and her brother/lover? Serena's like, "Um, I forget? To be honest it slipped my mind. I'm finding him and Nate harder and harder to tell apart. I was planning on asking him at Family Brunch, because we are brother and sister and so that's clearly the least awkward time to ask him to remind me. Maybe our other brother Chuck will be there, and he can film us doing it."

"Well, here's my advice: Have a little faith. And if that doesn't work, a lot of mimosas." Because now B has great affection for both of them, sure, and wants to go subtly to bat for Lonelyboy, but also because if S takes him away she solves the entire problem of Dan: Stealthy, stealthy. The one time B actually wants S to take something off her plate.

Chuck and Nate phone convo: Bad puns about boobs, weird jokes about father/son incest, and lots of expo, so here's the gist. No Uncle Jack for now, but there's a new villain in town that might help Chuck defeat Lily. A surely uncorrupted magnate from Chicago, name of Russell Thorpe. (On whom Chuck has done a lot of research, but apparently not in Vanity Fair or the Post or anything that would reveal Thorpe's VP is also his daughter, which you know would be a huge part of any actual human interest story about their company.) Thorpe's in town, and as an old business buddy of Bart's, Chuck figures he can wrangle an alliance.

Meanwhile, the Captain is playing on the Empire's penthouse Wii with some young ladies possibly of the servant class, in boxers and a robe, and it turns out the Captain doesn't always look great, because not even the Captain can manage to say "Boom goes the dynamite" without looking like a tool. Well, his strut dances are still pretty adorable. But Nate is stressin' on this because Cap's probation is dependent on the usual things, like a job, but the Captain is more interested in getting booty and getting crunk and playing pretend tennis.

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Gossip Girl

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