Carol comes back to Lily looking apologetic, and Lily cracks some joke about teaching crafts in jail like Martha Stewart, and they discuss how they both wanted each other's approval this whole time for trying on their different versions of bohemia, but that once Carol got knocked up with Charlie -- what if Keith van der Woodsen was her father or something? -- she had to come back to CeCe's crystal teat. Which kind of makes Lily's standing on ceremony about the hypocrisy a little less fun. But then Carol goes full-Vanessa condescending -- "Turning yourself in, not giving a damn what people think? That's my Lily" -- and offers to smuggle Lily pot brownies in jail. God, I hate Aunt Carol.
Serena: "So how are you going to totally burn your mom today?"
Charlie: "I'm going to play it by ear!"
Serena: "No, girl. You just tell her you're an adult now and that you appreciate her support in whatever you want to do. Parents eat that shit like candy because it makes them feel like they're in control."
Charlie: "No wonder my mom hates you! Hey, that guy you sometimes date who's also your brother: Am I like officially related to him? What kind of perfume do you wear? Are you allergic to ether?"
Serena's phone rings and it's Vanessa, and she does that awesome nose-wrinkling scoff she only does when Vanessa calls her, and this is the message:
"So I know you don't want to hear from me, but I had to share. Dan Humphrey kissed Blair Waldorf. You can confront them, they'll deny it. But it's true, I overheard them myself. And believe me, if I was lying just to mess with you, it wouldn't be something as unbelievable as this."
...Valid. The thing about Vanessa is that she's never not doing the right thing, and she's the most eloquent person on the show when she explains her reasons. And yet.
Everybody meets up for a Prada brunch, it having been 24 hours, and by "everybody" I mean "hardly anybody." Rufus and William are holding hands, Eric's weirded out, CeCe is bored of all their claptrap, and Carol and Lily are working things out. Who's not there: Pilot Inspektor, Chuck Bass, or anybody cool. That's when Charlie appears and says she's staying on the UES, hopefully in Serena's room at PRADA, so that she can get real weird.