Carol, verbatim: "Charlie, that's a mistake! What happened wasn't so long ago. You're not ready for this!"
Charlie: "I am. Because of you, I know who I am, and... Nothing's gonna change that. And thanks for supporting me."
(Serena escorts her to Jenny/Serena's old room, congratulating her on railroading poor dumb Aunt Carol into going back to Grey Gardens alone.)
Lily: "Hey, what's this about a 'thing' that happened? There's a 'thing'?"
Carol: "Yeah, a few months ago she got kicked out of college because..."
Lily: "Because what? She obsessed on Minka Kelly and tore out a girl's bellybutton ring with her teeth? Pretended she was carrying Dan's baby? Ran off to Haiti? Set a fashion designer's entire oeuvre on fire in an old barrel? I'm in suspense here, sis."
Carol: "Yeah, she actually... You know what, never mind. Just keep an eye on her."
Lily: "Totally. One thing we make sure to do in this house is supervise our children."
Raina: (Her mom is either dead or not dead; not even Nate can care.)
Gossip Girl, verbatim: "Walking down the primrose path, you risk finding hell instead of happily ever after."
No clue. No idea what that means.
Everybody in the "family," with the exception of half of the family, suddenly has to pull it together when Rufus appears with Laurie Simmons. CeCe sits down between William and Rufus, adorably, while Eric and Charlie get acquainted. Behind CeCe's hairdo, Eric and Dan link pinkies without looking at each other. Pilot Inspektor lies in a ditch somewhere, choking on his own blood. Jenny is jumping out of trees onto passersby somewhere upstate. Chuck stands very still and sad and scary all alone, looking at his portrait where he's standing very still and sad and scary and all alone. The phone rings: Lily's sentence. She lets it ring.
But all is not so dark: "Why does love have to be so hard, Dorota? All I ever wanted was a simple fairy tale. Kate Middleton has it, and I have much shinier hair. Although she does have a better assortment of hats..." Dorota tells her not to despair, that destiny is full of surprises. And out of a taxicab, holding one Vivier shoe on a velvet pillow, steps: Our Prince.
Tonight: Presumably Serena attempts to care about Dan kissing Blair without giving Vanessa Abrams the satisfaction.