Dan: "I'm here for my photo shoot!"
Blair: "What the hell are you doing here and/or talking about?"
Dan: "I know this was a lie!"
Blair: "Because it was totally obvious?"
(Her eyes cross as she downloads the necessary information from the brain she and Chuck share.)
Blair: "This is a Chuck scheme! He wanted you to be humiliated at a photo shoot to show me that he knows we kissed!"
Seriously, that's what happened.
Meanwhile, Lily starts crying backstage when Serena shows up, and says some very sweet and heartfelt things: "We've been through so much together, and I let you down so many times, and here you are." Serena's touched, but tells her not to cry her makeup off, because every student eventually must aid her master. Of course, Carol ruins everything by running in screaming about Charlie.
Carol: "She ran away and will be murdered! This is what happens to people who hang out with you, Serena!"
Lily: "Don't talk that way about my daughter!"
Serena: "Well, she kind of has a point."
Lily: "I am experimenting with being a parent!"
Serena: "All I did was tell her how you're a total hypocrite that has been Humphreying our family down her whole life but still taking Rhodes money. I don't know why that would unmoor her mind. Unless of course she's dangerously unstable..."
Lily: "Of course Mother paid you to be here. I am so foolish to think that you would have come because you cared."
Carol: "I don't. What part of this is a surprise? Why are you running away crying?"
Blair: "You had Epperly hire me, and call Dan and tell him that he was an Up & Comer?"
Dan: "I am so humiliated! Even though I knew it was a trick!"
Blair: "Pretty lame takedown, honestly."
Chuck: "I just wanted you to see that you shouldn't be kissing him!"
Blair: "We are not together, and you kiss everybody."
Chuck, tellingly: "You're not supposed to kiss him!"
Blair and Chuck painfully/awkwardly agree that their kiss meant "nothing" and Blair admits that she was going to come clean to Chuck tonight, about the kiss and what it made her decide, but that in the end Chuck is still just a tool.