Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
Through Every Open Door

Things are very troubled in the Upper East Side, my friends. We've hit that part in the cycle where everybody's voracious for facts having to do with Lily Humphrey's crime against paperwork, but haven't yet decided to get nasty about it. This is very dangerous time for a lot of reasons, chief among them being A) This is Lily's worst Rhodes Woman nightmare coming true in real life and B) Serena always fucks everything up anyway.

Since kissing and being kissed by the Spirit of Authenticity that is Dan Humphrey, old Blair has taken to her bed. Is it because he's tainted her with the self-righteousness of the pretend poor? Or because her head has gone spinning off its Powerful Woman axis altogether? Only time can tell, but I'm guessing it's not because she's suddenly in love...

Or rather, that the effect has been so drastic that she's going to rewrite the whole of existence -- pushing Dan back into Serena's arms, running full-tilt directly at Chuck's peculiar face -- in order to pretend time, space and reason haven't all suddenly gone nuts. Quick slap to Dorota's kindly face -- she's brought a radio with news of Lily's predicament, in the hopes that someone else's misfortunes will schadenfreude that Dan right out of her hair -- and then a return to the depths of eye-masked fitful slumber.

Mosquitorazzi all jazzed up outside PRADA, Dan's spending the day organizing his many wise volumes and checking for messages from Blair that never come in DUMBO, while Chuck and Raina have a grody little sad run-in at the Empire.

Chuck: "Hey, nice to see you this morning. I assume you've been boning my roommate."
Raina: "Yeah, that's why I'm bringing him this cute morning OJ -- so he won't use up any of his precious lying-around energy."
Chuck: "Cool, stay here in my house as long as you want."

Nate: "Thanks! I love juice! It's like kissing the sunshine!"
Raina: "For reasons that nobody could ever explain, I've decided the Lily Situation is my fault."
Nate: "I don't see how that's possible, in like any way, but thanks for the juice. What's that ringing sound?"
Raina: "It's called a phone."

Daddy Thorpe: "Hey, thanks for picking up finally. I just wanted a drop a game-changer on you."
The Entire Audience: "I cannot wait to find out what is going on there! The state of the Thorpe family is the only thing on this show more fascinating than the disposition at any given time of Bass Industries!"

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Gossip Girl




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