Charlie: "I'm here too. Pay no attention to the bloody scalp in my hands, I got into a rumble with some Crips downtown."
Photography: "We have no interest in any of you. This picture is for William van der Woodsen and his two children."
Rufus: "I did a great job of keeping that secret, no?"
Everybody: "William, you've done it again."
William: "You slowly poison a woman to death one time and everybody just thinks you're the kind of person who would rearrange a meaningless photograph. I am sick of this shit!"
Blair: "This looks like the dress Diana wore the day after she became princess."
Chuck: "It is, I got it for you to wear in my photo with me, because it worked out so well for the People's Princess. Today was going to be a very complicated day, what with all the schemes and whatnot. Damn your intuitive powers of knowing my schemes!"
Blair: "I know, it's a hassle. We both wanted me to stop being a Powerful Wannabe so that we could build parallel Empires, but then I kissed Humphrey and realized that you are still a massive tool."
Chuck: "That's my most exciting feature!"
Blair: "I'll miss it. Adieu, Chuck."
William: "Lily, I totally did not sabotage your photo shoot."
Lily: "I am too drunk to stand. I'm more interested in harping on my sister's hypocrisy."
William: "She lives on a houseboat in Miami. I'd say you won."
Lily: "Except for how I'm going to jail. You're a very good husband, when you're not poisoning me."
Rufus, appearing: "I just spoke to Julia Chaplin and found out that Benedikt Taschen was traveling and never got your message. The van der Woodsen photo was the editor's idea, and William had nothing to do with it."
William: "That sounded like an apology. I know you're being as classy as a Humphrey possibly ever could. Let's all go home together like one big scary family that's missing half of its members and pretend to be happy."
Lily: "I'll grab the wine!"
Dan: "Hey B, what did you want to talk to me about earlier? Was it about us being in love and stuff?"
Vanessa's Spidey Sense: "Schwing!"
Blair: "No, the opposite."
Dan: "Oh, okay. Listen, your prince is out there."
Blair: "Yours too, Humphrey. In the meantime, please go back to Serena and get off my plate."
Vanessa: "I am going to fuck up absolutely everything for everybody. Again."