Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Through Every Open Door

Charlie: "Mom, stop yelling at CeCe about how you have to keep taking her horrible, evil money. You sound like Vanessa Abrams."
Carol: "But honey..."
Charlie: "-- No. Serena's been giving me lessons in making rash decisions and telling my parents to fuck off all the time."
Carol: "Next stop: Public screwing, horse rustling, and coke-fueled threesomes."

Serena: "Hey, Charlie! I didn't see you hiding behind that ficus and smelling my hair."
Charlie: "Listen, I hate my mom and I'm homeless. Can you give me some 'advice'? By which I mean 'somewhere to live or some spending cash'?"
Serena: "Let's go eat gelato!"
Blair: "Did somebody say gelato?"
Charlie: "Your hair smells so nice! Can I climb inside your clothes with you?"

Blair and Chuck do a lot of staring at each other; his photo is alone, looking dour and rapey.

Next morning, Blair and Serena are a tangle of limbs, while Charlie's sleeping on the floor. She wakes up and goes around smelling all their things while they are sleeping. See, Charlie is different from Jenny because Jenny was a rebel queen usurper, while Charlie is the displaced princess: She actually was born to this manor, which means she's going to stretch out crazily in directions Jenny never could. But since S never gets the "princess" thing applied to her, I'm guessing it's going to be a fight with Blair if there's going to be a fight at all, because they're the two princesses this year. I could be wrong, but that's what makes sense to me.

Carol comes back to Lily looking apologetic, and Lily cracks some joke about teaching crafts in jail like Martha Stewart, and they discuss how they both wanted each other's approval this whole time for trying on their different versions of bohemia, but that once Carol got knocked up with Charlie -- what if Keith van der Woodsen was her father or something? -- she had to come back to CeCe's crystal teat. Which kind of makes Lily's standing on ceremony about the hypocrisy a little less fun. But then Carol goes full-Vanessa condescending -- "Turning yourself in, not giving a damn what people think? That's my Lily" -- and offers to smuggle Lily pot brownies in jail. God, I hate Aunt Carol.

Serena: "So how are you going to totally burn your mom today?"
Charlie: "I'm going to play it by ear!"
Serena: "No, girl. You just tell her you're an adult now and that you appreciate her support in whatever you want to do. Parents eat that shit like candy because it makes them feel like they're in control."
Charlie: "No wonder my mom hates you! Hey, that guy you sometimes date who's also your brother: Am I like officially related to him? What kind of perfume do you wear? Are you allergic to ether?"

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Gossip Girl

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