CeCe: "William has solved the Taschen problem."
Rufus: "I hate solutions."
William: "I know Benedikt Taschen personally."
Rufus: "I hate when my wife is happy."
William: "I'd be happy to call him and see if I can get the ladies back in the book."
Rufus: "I hate when things work out for the best."
Cousin Charlie: "Remember that time you took me on Claus's yacht and it was too big for the Vanessa Abrams part of my dumb mom's brain?"
Serena: "I hate when people Dan out about how my world is toxic."
Charlie, verbatim: "Okay, so you and your brother didn't both end up going to a mental institution? And your dad didn't give your mom fake cancer? And your mom didn't send an innocent man to prison just to get you back into private school?"
Serena: "You're right. We are the worst."
Charlie: "No, those things sound excellent to me, because I am a lunatic."
Serena: "Okay, I'm going to show you my world. It starts at Barney's and ends at Intermix. That's my whole world. That and vodka. That, and vodka, and dodging stray bullets from Blair's shenanigans. And getting roofied."
Charlie: "I cannot wait to get roofied!"
It's weird because she looks like Serena and Blair finally had a baby together, but on the inside she's like if Jenny's Crazy and Georgina's Crazy had a baby together. Meanwhile, it takes Carol and Lily all of five seconds to reconcile their differences enough to go on their own shopping spree so that they can track down gold unitards and try out to be Solid Gold dancers. I did not make any of those things up.
Epperly: "[Rich people] will be shot with [their other rich people], while Chuck Bass will be photographed all alone, looking dour and rapey."
Blair: "Hey, he has an uncle. Maybe we should call his uncle! I have forgotten about everything that has ever happened on this show, so I think that's a good idea."
Epperly, apropos of nothing: "Everybody has a soulmate!"
Blair: "I recently had a bit of a life-changer tossed my way too, so I understand that you are now crazy due to Bali. In my case, I kissed a 'person' and things were clarified."
Epperly: "What person?"
Blair: "None of your business. I hate nosy people who only exist to listen in on other people's conversations."
Vanessa: "...Hi, guys. Thanks for noticing me."