Carol: "I left this life to raise Charlie in the real world, and I am not letting you seduce her."
CeCe, moments later: "Really? Because you take my money all the time so I don't see why you're being such a pill to Lily about it."
Carol, where S can hear her: "Don't throw my behavior in my face! Just fork over the money. I said I would come to NYC and support Lily, and I've done nothing of the sort."
CeCe: "You're staying for the picture, or heads will roll."
Carol: "Wrong, I can do whatever I want."
Serena: "I have finally found someone on earth who is a bigger hypocrite than my mother. I honestly don't know what to do with this information."
Dan: "So apparently I'm being included in the Modern Royalty book, under the section titled 'People Who Are Not Actually In This Book, Stupid.'"
Eric: "But even just in terms of social climbing your sister is twice the man you are."
Dan: "Like she exists on this show."
Eric: "Maybe this is a scheme by Blair."
Dan: "Maybe this is a scheme by Blair, to raise my social status so I'll be a more suitable suitor!"
Eric: "That makes zero fucking sense, but okay."
Dan: "If it did make any sense at all, it still wouldn't bother me, because I love her!"
Eric: "Hey, did you happen to tell S that you kissed Blair?"
Dan: "There's nothing to tell. Yet."
Eric: "Okay. Put on some real clothes before your photo shoot. It's not Modern Lumberjacks."
Dorota: "How come I'm packing underwear for a photo shoot?"
Blair: "Because if I'm leaving the house I might as well get laid, and because I finally have the courage to tell that certain someone about my love."
Dorota: "Okay, I must protest. This is going too far."
Blair: "What are you talking about?"
Dorota: "The reason you take to bed! Shame from emotional affair with Lowly Boy!"
Blair: "It's Lonelyboy, and it wasn't an affair, just a kiss, and it just made me wish I was kissing Chuck."
Dorota: "Are you sure about that?"
Blair: "Darling, I have to be."
Much prince/toad metaphor follows, along with all kinds of mirror-talking and odd angles, which, not for nothing, but I totally forgot about the shoe Blair left the Prince until this week -- wasn't it the same shoe as one of the mismatched pair Blair was wearing when she lost her damn mind that one time? Yes. In fact, the shoe thing has been going on this whole time. That is fantastic, actually. Well done.