Serena tracks down Charlie returning all the crap Serena bought her, and after some apologia Serena drops some knowledge on her cousin that Carol isn't quite the paragon of virtue she thinks she is. I really think Serena's skipping some necessary chapters in the Rhodes Women Manual. You can't just jump right to "Your Mother Is A Fraud" without going a little nuts. Plus you miss all the great parts about sex and drinking and acting out, which are what make the whole thing worth it.
Functionary: "The revised portrait concept is William van der Woodsen and his two children."
Eric: "And here I was getting offended thinking I was suddenly a Rhodes Woman."
Rufus: "And here I was getting offended because that's the only thing I ever do."
CeCe: "And here I am taking care of motherfucking business, once again."
(She sends Eric to find William, heads off to distract Lily, and threatens the functionary with death if she mentions anything.)
Rufus: "Hey! What should I do?"
Nate: "Hey, I've been looking all over for you in this vastly more entertaining TV show where we have eyebrows and talk about your mom."
Raina: "So what's going on is, Taschen wants us in the Modern Royalty book, which apparently was the game-changer my dad was talking about I guess. Since I didn't want to take a picture with him, they asked me if I wanted to take it with my mom. Since my mom exploded, that made me sad. It's my first emotion. I am not dealing well."
Nate: "I lost my mom to drugs years ago, so I can identify. Cutting myself off from my dad was really tough. You feel all alone, I get it. How does this affect the plot?"
Raina: "In no way at all."
Dan: "I'm here for my photo shoot!"
Blair: "What the hell are you doing here and/or talking about?"
Dan: "I know this was a lie!"
Blair: "Because it was totally obvious?"
(Her eyes cross as she downloads the necessary information from the brain she and Chuck share.)
Blair: "This is a Chuck scheme! He wanted you to be humiliated at a photo shoot to show me that he knows we kissed!"
Seriously, that's what happened.
Meanwhile, Lily starts crying backstage when Serena shows up, and says some very sweet and heartfelt things: "We've been through so much together, and I let you down so many times, and here you are." Serena's touched, but tells her not to cry her makeup off, because every student eventually must aid her master. Of course, Carol ruins everything by running in screaming about Charlie.