"And I thought my father was the heartless one," he says when she's done, and Blair's a little bit appalled. He tries to bust out the checkbook some more, but she hands the check over and says she doesn't care about any of that, and in fact no matter how much he tries to bum her out, the incredible issues of Serena have so blown her mind that she finds herself immobilized in NYC for the foreseeable future. Blair smiles a tiny smile, since she's gotten the outcome she forced herself not to work for, and when Elizabeth stands up, Charlie looks younger and smaller than he's looked in a long time. He comes up against the old wall, how it's hard to be soft, and looks into this woman's eyes, and offers to at least buy her a drink.

Back in bed with Dan Vanessa giggles, because she is a giant lesbian, that she thought it would be less good without Olivia up in the mix. (WHO SAYS THAT?) and they laugh and say they did even better without her movie star moves, and are adorable for awhile before the conversation turns chilling. "The reason I was freaked out when you told me how you felt was because with us, it feels like it's all or nothing." (The overlapping dialogue is once again gorgeous here.) Dan, far from being scared off by this obvious gambit, jumps in with both feet: "I know! If we hooked up, then it puts everything in fast-forward!" Less than one second later, they are discussing marriage with these fake shivers about how much more grownup they would be than everybody else if they became a couple forever and ever, and fake-agree to take it slow and not become the mutually obsessed boring stay-at-home one-creature-in-two-bodies couple they are obviously going to become in five seconds. It's so cute!

The OneRepublic single "Secrets" plays us into the next scene, a neat song about how secrets are so tiresome and drama is so enlivening that I'm just going to tell you every secret I have, like I will never shut up, and eventually you will know me completely and we will be family and share a toothbrush and pee in front of each other. I mean, it's nice in a song but if anybody tried that "my secrets, let me show you them" shit with me I would stab them a little bit and run to a safe place. In real life that's invariably like seeing Diana eat a whole hamster and then pull her woman skin off her face to reveal a horrifying reptile face.

Like now you got Jenny running up to Damien on a street corner with a pocket full of Lily's oxy -- she sometimes gets "headaches," apparently -- and Damien is shocked to find out Lily's a pill-popper. Despite her behavior throughout this episode. He thanks her for the replacement stash, but says instead -- as the chorus kicks in -- they should go make out or whatever. So did she run away again? Or is this like a one-night Jenny freakout and then she'll go back and they'll be like, "At least you cooled it with the eyeshadow, because we really thought you were gonna come home looking nuts again."