While Blair and Chuck have sadness sex instead of talking, because there's not really anything left to talk about -- which is sad but not as sad as if there really were something to talk about -- Jenny's like, "Insane story! Man, if that were your life for real you would be the trashiest person on earth!" Damien clarifies that yes, and yes. She immediately apologizes and feels sad for him, but also gets a huge boner because that makes him the most fucked-up person she's ever met. That's like Agnes plus Chuck. So Rufus has finally flushed the pills and told his wife to fuck off forever, and he's ready to go, and also Jenny will not be dating Damien, dad drama or no dad drama. Jenny hisses and spits at her dad about how they were totally in love, and Rufus sighs and says the coolest/truest thing he's ever said: "You're young, you'll get over it, get your suitcase." He needs somebody around to tell him that when his feelings get hurt, ten times a day every day.
S tracks Elizabeth down as she's checking out of the Algonquin -- most likely to find a new secret hiding place five feet to the left -- and vindicates awesome Blair so hard. "My dad left when I was a little girl. I don't know when, or if, I'll ever know why. But I want to know why you left. I know it must not be easy, but I don't think you would have come back if you didn't want to tell your story." Serena is great when she's transparent with herself, which she often is but not as often as that word implies. But this is where it gets real fucking sad, because every word Elizabeth says is a dagger to Serena's heart, and just watching the toll of this story on her is devastating.
"I was nineteen when [Lily] got pregnant. Nowhere near ready to be a [father]. We agreed I'd give the baby up for adoption." But then whence the picture of young Evelyn holding baby Chuck in that locket, that Serena's been holding onto since this morning like a lifeline? You just couldn't walk away from your [daughter]? "No. It was [Lily] who couldn't go through with it. Once [she] saw [her daughter], that was it. [Sh]e even asked me to marry [her]." Serena's intrigued by that: The Basstard is a literal bastard?
"Oh, no. And I wasn't about to be. I didn't love [her]. I told [her] that." So what, [Lily] blackmailed [him] and said [he'd] never see [S] again? Nope. Elizabeth was the one who told Bart to say she was dead. "It was the only way I knew that [you'd] never come looking for me. And that way I could go on with my life as if [you] never happened." Serena begs her to change the story, to have unbearable regrets; begs her father to think of her every second. Begs. But no. "[Lily/CeCe] sent me money every year to keep me away. But the truth is, [they] didn't have to. I didn't doubt my decision." Elizabeth gets worried by how low she's taking S, and finally apologizes. "I know this wasn't what you were hoping to hear," she says, and Serena's sad to know that it shows. "Now you know why it's better if I just leave. My son wants to hate me. I don't blame him."