Gossip Girl

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Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
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At Least We Burn Trying

The OneRepublic single "Secrets" plays us into the next scene, a neat song about how secrets are so tiresome and drama is so enlivening that I'm just going to tell you every secret I have, like I will never shut up, and eventually you will know me completely and we will be family and share a toothbrush and pee in front of each other. I mean, it's nice in a song but if anybody tried that "my secrets, let me show you them" shit with me I would stab them a little bit and run to a safe place. In real life that's invariably like seeing Diana eat a whole hamster and then pull her woman skin off her face to reveal a horrifying reptile face.

Like now you got Jenny running up to Damien on a street corner with a pocket full of Lily's oxy -- she sometimes gets "headaches," apparently -- and Damien is shocked to find out Lily's a pill-popper. Despite her behavior throughout this episode. He thanks her for the replacement stash, but says instead -- as the chorus kicks in -- they should go make out or whatever. So did she run away again? Or is this like a one-night Jenny freakout and then she'll go back and they'll be like, "At least you cooled it with the eyeshadow, because we really thought you were gonna come home looking nuts again."

When the elevator dings, Lily's wine-addled mind (why is she standing immobilized near the kitchen island?) assumes it's Rufus, back to piss and moan some more, but it's not: It's Vanya. Bearing Rufus's scarf, which was in the lost and found. Which, why is he showing up with it in the middle of the night? Dorota said he had to, because sisters support each other, and the "lost" in this case was "at Mrs. Holland's house," and Dorota knows that this means Rufus is thinking about hooking up with her, so Vanya better go tell on him immediately so he can be grrrrounded before something real bad happens. Lily thanks him and turns cold as ice and buttons up all the way and sucks on her wine.

I love how even with a massive East European baby on the way these indentured servants are sitting around worrying about fucking Rufus Humphrey.

Nate sits right next to her -- maybe holding her hand -- when Serena calls the number she's got. "Hey. It's me. Serena. I still don't know if this is your number, but I wanted you to know that... I'm not looking for you anymore. I thought maybe you wanted to know me, but now it's me that doesn't want to know you." She breathes, and says this in that one tone of voice she has where she means it: "I'm done." And she hangs up, and breathes.

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Gossip Girl

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