Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
At Least We Burn Trying

They talk about how they can or cannot go back to how things were, and then both of them at the same second start lying about how they're dating other people. Vanessa says she can't awkwardly hang out because she's going to attend the beach party with Paul. "I love parties! I love Paul!" Dan lies, and then lies thrice by saying he himself is going to the party with his girlfriend Melissa. Anybody else, they would notice the 100% lying of this entire conversation, but Dan and Vanessa have all that integrity, you know, so they gamely entertain one another's lies, and then Dan rushes off to find and procure Melissa, while Vanessa calls her big gay ex-boyfriend so their life of lies can continue.

While Chuck paws through all of Elizabeth's belongings -- eventually coming up with a bit of hanky in which is wrapped something important -- Nate cautiously enters Chuck's bedroom, hoping Blair's still not having orgasms in there. He blinks adorably at the serene scene of Serena playing with Blair's hair, and then grabs the phone. He tries in vain to construct a lie -- or even a sentence -- regarding the phone he needs to steal, and Serena does not help him in this venture because she's clueless too, and together they are a team that should have us all worried.

Finally Blair goes, "Oh God, I miss that. Dating someone who's a horrible liar. So much easier!" Serena makes yet another adorable face at Nate, who (after barked commands from B and more confused question-noises from S) hands over the phone. Ruse complete. Blair is sad to see multiple calls from the same number, because that means Chuck sketchiness, but much sadder to see that there's a message, because that means her ethics are in question and she already knows what terrible thing she's about to end up doing.

Jenny and Damien hang out on the bed counting pills, but then Lily pops up offering coffee, so Jenny acts totally sketch and jerky and weird, stepping on one dropped candy-colored narcotic and stuttering just enough to make sure Lily thinks they were doing it. She gets all "Not this time, Seren... I mean Jenny," and tells them to get their act together and come sit on the sofa while she attempts to parent. As an afterthought, she reminds Jenny to put on some clothes, having remembered that what her daughter thinks of as clothes the rest of us still consider private attire.

Blair paces: "I shouldn't. I turned over a new leaf! A new, non-meddling leaf from the trust tree! If he wants to keep secrets, then... But he shouldn't! Something is bothering him, and he's not telling me about it. What am I supposed to do? Right?" Awesome. I love how she approaches innate normal behavior like it's a math problem: That's the B I know, and have missed immeasurably. The Blair that acts like every moral dilemma she has is something nobody has ever had to deal with, because they were all born with a conscience while she's just doing the best with what she has.

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Gossip Girl




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