Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
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At Least We Burn Trying

Lily paces around waiting for Rufus to walk from DUMBO in the Henley she bought him, and Damien is like, "This is stupid, I'm leaving," and Jenny's like, "I don't even like you so shut up," or whatever teenage dirtbag bullshit she's into this week, and giving him these amazing hateful eyes. Lily is disappointed and weird, and then Rufus comes in flashing crazy emo at everybody and yelling at Lily about why is she bothering her husband in the middle of the day and couldn't she just call him since he's so busy shitting himself in Brooklyn and acting like the biggest baby in the universe for literally no reason whatsoever. Lily goes, "Okay, well, Jenny had a sleepover with this fella. Interested yet?" They make eyes at one another; Rufus's say, "I just got served," and Lily's say, "We have not even begun."

The awful South Beach party includes one of those wooden face-cutout things you see at the pier, where the bodybuilder guy is holding a bikini girl and they don't have faces. Hate those things. There is much awkward conversation between the foursome of fake daters, and Paul is bitchy and wearing a kerchief around his neck, and Melissa is gross but not worth mentioning, and Dan is wiggly and wriggly and muscled, and Vanessa is now faking even fake-dating her homosexual boyfriend. Who is actually fairly cute and fun to watch in this whole setup -- never mind the fact that he is thirty-five years of age, because they all are -- because of all four of them he's the only one that knows for a fact that this whole thing is a lie: Vanessa called up him and said, "Pretend to be my boyfriend again. And before you ask, there will be mojitos." And he was like, "Girl, I'm there."

Blair joins Chuck at the bar with a simple apology. He waits a second for the shoe to drop, and then marvels at the lack of caveat. "Sounds serious," he jokes. These two, they're such good actors sometimes it's hard to even like notice how good they're being. Blair says she's prepared to talk, or not, but there are no forthcoming caveats. She's being so kid-glove about it that he actually leans forward and speaks, finally: "Even if she is my mother... She isn't. It doesn't change anything. The past belongs to the past." Blair's sad to hear that, but accepts it, and puts the locket on the bar, surprised even to hear herself: "I think we should go to Bart's grave one last time, drop that off, and never look back." She hates it, but she's being good. "Come here," he says, and kisses her, and it's so wonderful.

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Gossip Girl




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