Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | Grade It Now!
The Song Is The Boy

Serena appears in a truly fucking insane dress -- lovely dark red in color, boob-caged like a Mondrian -- and asks B to exposit why she is there, so she does, hysterically, and then S apologizes to B for not listening to her about Carter. "It's for the best, S. Most guys just are who they are." Chuck appears in a cloud of smoke and Blair physically jumps behind big old gigantic Serena to get away from him, because he's pissed about the stolen shoes, and she tells him they are POWs and aren't going anywhere until she gets the photograph. "And don't think you can distract me with another ounce of Dom," she CLUES, and Serena giggles as she runs off. Chuck mentions that Carter's not there, and she starts to get suspicious. "Probably best. This place doesn't accept IOUs. Some guys just are..." Serena pulls a CLUE literally out of her ass: "Who they are? That's exactly what Blair just said." Chuck walks away and the camera lingers on her thinky face for a million years, hoping you'll buy that she just figured out something.

Vanessa walks Scott into Sotheby's like a dog trainer in a hideous effing giant turquoise ring, and Scott literally walks up to Rufus and goes, "Remember when I told you there was something I wanted to talk to you about today? That's why I'm here." Without pretext, rude as all get out: vintage Humphrey. They come on the PA and say the auction is starting, so Rufus -- even with that very key, very hyped-up statement still hanging in the air -- blows them off to go check on some Lily thing. Vanessa grabs his arm and commences comforting the shit out of him, but right then his tragic mother appears across the crowd and he wigs out. There is not a moment in this whole scene where Vanessa isn't rubbing, smacking or otherwise attempting to comfort his right arm; it's awesome. So he makes all kinds of faces and heads over to talk to his tragic mother.

Some Sotheby's cutie starts the bidding, while Blair commences giving Chuck an over-the-slacks so he won't be able to concentrate on the bidding. The McMullan is, of course, the first item up for bid. While Blair roughhouses his crotch and Chuck recites sports scores, they throw them paddles up repeatedly. When the price reaches $7100, Blair tells him in no uncertain: "Enough. I need this, and you're gonna let me have it." He assures her that he's not doing it, and she tells him that she plain and simply needs "this society": "You don't turn down destiny," she says, completely forgetting his destiny altogether, and he hisses, "It's not destiny if you have to barter your way in. You're special enough on your own. You don't need some group to say you are."

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Gossip Girl




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