Serena begs Chuck to keep quiet about how she used to be a huge drunk junkie whore, and of course he promises, and they both secretly smile about how much they love each other, and then Aaron randomly shows up with a fruit basket or cheese or something dumb, and she's really excited to see him and how they're exclusively dating, and he is kind of frosty with her because of the enthusiasm beatdown Dan Humphrey is constantly administering to everyone around hm. He asks about Georgina and -- clearly unaware of how this show operates -- the timeline of events wherein Serena could simultaneously have been a giant drunk freak six months ago in the spring but also a teetotaler, and instead of trying to explain the whimsicality of UES physics, she's like, "Oh yeah, Dan? He's sort of a stalker and lies all the time, so probably he was just being jealous and... I guess he's just not that over me. But hey, next time you're digging into my past and calling me a liar, could you not be so fucking transparent as to enlist my incredibly judgmental ex-boyfriend? It's like you're not even trying, which makes me think you don't really care. Girls appreciate a little effort now and then, you know."

Rufus has his hands in a pumpkin when Lily calls, and of course he screams all kinds of mixed-up ADD interrogatives into the phone, while Lily has a whole speech planned out so she waits for him to stop screaming... And this is the story of why they are in love. "I've been grappling with what to do all day... What to say, which one of you to talk to first..." Jenny's okay, but Lily knows Rufus won't be, and if she's anything like me she just wants to see the look on his face right before he goes into cardiac arrest from having pushed his daughter into legal action. You know? Like your parenting is not bad enough for the state to take an interest, but just bad enough that your child has opted out of the entire shebang. Awesomely, she lets Rufus twist in the knowledge that something horrible and mysterious is happening, and summons him to the UES even though they're all having Thanksgiving happening. Rufus tells Dan to call V and cancel for the nonce, because they have to go to Lily's. Why? Nobody knows. And Rufus is so dumb that he won't even notice that until it's actually happening to him, which is awesome. Dan makes the call, but Vanessa doesn't pick up because she's being accosted by the FBI and asked to act as a patsy to bring down the entire Archibald family at once.