"Slave 4 U" is Dorota's ringtone on her BlackBerry either for everybody, for just Eleanor, or for anybody named Waldorf. All three of them are awesome possibilities; also awesome is Dorota's red coat with black fur collar, which is exactly what your maid would wear out if you kidnapped her to spend the day in the city. Blair screams at her not to answer the phone, and D's like, "But Miss Blair, it's your mom!" and Blair is just not having it at all. "We have nothing to be thankful for. This is the worst Thanksgiving of all time. And if we have to wander the Upper East Side like outcasts in a Jane Austen novel, so be it!" Dorota, quite adept at taking care of the little psycho, is like, "Maybe we go feed ducks at boat pond, like when you were little." What she means is, "If you're going to abuse me anyway, I might as well distract you with the exact right thing so that you can harangue me while doing the thing that is going to chill you the fuck out," and B fully falls for it in a hilarious fashion: "Fine. I'm not a monster. I won't deny the ducks their dinner. But if you look like you enjoy even one second of it, we're leaving."

I love that so, so much. "Okay, this doesn't have to be a vendetta: We can actually have a wonderful Thanksgiving together, and I thank you for that suggestion. We're doing it. But we have to both pretend that we are miserable the entire time, or else it'll be my mother's fault that we're having fun, and we only blame her for bad things, not awesome things like spending the day with you feeding ducks and making pies, which is actually what I would elect to do in the first place, if I didn't have all these schemes to run and people to ruin and parents to horrify." Plus you get to imagine Dorota standing behind Blair feeding the ducks and being like, "This is the most awesome fucking thing you can do in America, and we're doing it right now!" and Blair having no idea that Dorota is fully rocking out.

Lily hands out the champagne and Aaron doesn't want any so then Serena doesn't want any and Lily's like, "Not that I'm complaining but like, is this some kind of joke?" Serena is insistent that she requires no champagne, despite having lived on it most of her life, and is so committed to her lie that she goes, "I'm only seventeen!" Lily points out that this has never stopped her before -- Lily's about a sheet and half to the wind herself -- and Serena gets stressed and sends Lily off to show Aaron her art collection. He recognizes a painting and Lily praises his eye, and they walk off together so that Serena can go ahead and have a whole conversation with herself about her shoes, right out loud where anybody could hear her talking to herself. And not even like a conversation, like small talk. She's like, "Self, I'll be right back, I have to go change my shoes because they are killing me! You know how I get in tight shoes! I'm gonna dance later, how about you? Why yes I think I am, but we better change shoes first. Good idea!" Maybe she's talking to Cecil. Or hey maybe she's dating Cecil, and Aaron Rose is just the price you pay.