Dan pours tea for Vanessa and asks what hellish lonely maladaptive plans she has for Thanksgiving; she does not disappoint, plus there's bonus Abrams suckage: "I decided to pass on joining my family at the Washoe Reservation, where they're helping to stage a protest. And my plan is to hole myself up in my studio, rent Berlin Alexanderplatz and eat a frozen Annie's Organic turkey dinner." That is the most fucking depressing thing I've ever heard; it's a sentence but it's also a calamity. Not even Vanessa sucks enough to suck this much. "No one enjoys a sixteen-hour German movie more than yours truly," quoth Dan Humphrey in a way that falsely suggests it's not true, "But you could come here instead." V isn't feeling it, due to Jenny kissing Nate one time a million years ago, and Dan's like, "She's not coming." Why? Because she has amnesia and her foot was amputated and she now beds exclusively prostitutes with Daddy issues. "I didn't realize it was still that bad between her and your Dad," says V, and just when you think she's actually being nice or sympathetic, pulls through to the other side: "Where is she having Thanksgiving? With Nate?" Yeah. Down at the Soup Kitchen where they both live now, you total idiot. You should go volunteer there instead of watching Fassbinder movies and waiting for someone to love you. What I would not give to watch one actual homeless person with legitimate problems take her ass down a peg.

"...Uh, Nate and Jenny aren't spending time together anymore," Dan elides, as though this has anything to do with Vanessa and isn't completely about his own jealousy about Jenny taking a ride on the Archibald Express. Vanessa allows that, horrible though the Humphreys may be, as long as Jenny's not there she might see her way to watching Dan and Rufus act like total spazzes, pretend to care about football, and eventually pass out on the couch with a dusty guitar and a blank Moleskin in their respective hands. Rufus enters screeching about how Agnes' mother -- Courtney Love, not Donna Reed -- finally told him that her daughter is supermodeling in Tokyo, but now how she additionally did everything she could to ruin Jenny's life, or how she awesomely got to yell, "YES JENNY I AM INSANE" at the top of her lungs while setting shit on fire. That's the number one way to say farewell to New York City. Rufus is like, Well, my fifteen-year-old daughter's now been missing and homeless for about a month, and nobody knows where she is or where she's been for literally weeks, so I guess I care. "I think I have to call the cops!" he says, fussily taking off his gloves, and Dan suddenly remembers to care. In this "Oh, that reminds me" tone of voice, he casually mentions that he totally solved this mystery and then forgot that he solved the mystery.