Oh, Thanksgiving with Allison Humphrey, how I do love you. Boring Serena and Aaron decide to be monogamous, but there's an asterisk relating to the fact that he's really only dating high school girls because he's trying to stay on the wagon. Instead of being totally creeped out, Serena totally lies and says her party girl days are well in her past. The entire UES makes time to laugh in her face about this at one point or another in the episode, and she does secretly think it's pretty fucking ridiculous herself. Dan spills a portion of the beans about Serena's history, and Aaron realizes he's getting played.

After Bart Bass executes an insanely hilarious knowledge of Eric's boyfriend's doings, Chuck shows him Bart's vault (literal) of intelligence on everyone in the family. Included in the files is the fact that Lily spent some time institutionalized herself, but never told Eric. Not even Bart knows why! Lily's grossed out by the fact that Bart's keeping tabs on their children, and takes Eric to Rufus's place (of course) for Thanksgiving, which causes jealous Bart to delve twice as hard into her mysterious past. Serena gives Aaron her file, but he refuses to read it, and they kiss and whatever.

Turns out Nate's father is planning on taking the family to Dominica just long enough to extort money from Anne's family, which kidnapping and hostage-taking Nate is able to convince the Captain is literally the worst thing he will ever do, and eventually sees his Dad safely and willingly into custody. He spends the whole time crying and acting his ass off, and actually pretty much rules the episode.

And of course there's Eric, who always rocks, and has been harboring Jenny in secret for the last week. When Rufus finds out, Lily tells him she'll go on keeping her until he gets it together. A well-meaning talk with Little J goes nowhere, but when Lily finds her emancipation paperwork she steps it up and makes them work it out. Jenny finally comes home, apologizes to Vanessa for kissing Nate, and everything's fine.

Except Vanessa, who's spent the entire day getting Chuck, Nate and the FBI in the same room. Fresh from a sweet reconciliation with Nate, Vanessa finds and -- freakin' of course -- reads the letter Nate wrote to Jenny when Dan kicked him out of the DUMBO loft. So now like some kind of retarded love triangle will happen, but I don't care because I love Nate and I know the show hates Vanessa as much or more than we do.

But enough about her. As is usual around this time of the year, Blair goes completely off her chain, kidnapping Dorota and taking to the streets! After a day spent feeding ducks and resenting the shit out of everybody, she finally lets Eleanor take them home, where papa Harold (!) is waiting to give his blessing to Eleanor and Cyrus's nuptials (!!) and bring Blair that fucking pie she talks about every year.

Next week appears to be a bunch of crazed images, but... Apparently somebody dies and it blows everybody's minds, Blair and Chuck possibly do it, there's some huge Winter Ball so lame the Humphreys and Vanessa get to go, Lily has second thoughts about her marriage, and the scintillating whirlwind that is Jenny/Nate/Vanessa grabs you by the nuts and won't let go.

See how unrealistic Gossip Girl really is (though we love it anyway) and then come back on Monday for our full detailed recap of this episode.