Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Thank You For Not Letting Me Be Myself Again

Nate stares dewily at the Captain talking about life in Dominica and how great it is by the ocean, and Nate's predictably offended by all of this, and the entire time Anne is literally just wandering through the scene for no reason like some kind of Beverly Hillbillies chase scene where she comes in a door, shouts something weird, ducks behind the couch, appears in a closet and yells something weird, slides up a fireman's pole with a pennywhistle sound, walks in like a duck from the other side in Groucho nose-and-glasses, pretends there's a staircase behind the divan that she's walking down, honks her clown nose... She must be as bored as we are. The only good thing about this scene, which is just completely what you think -- Captain being all, "Please don't punch me like you always do when we have this conversation, and instead move with me to somewhere far away" and Nate being all, "I just want someone to love me for once without money changing hands" -- is watching Chace Crawford perform his craft. The utter lack of facetiousness in that statement is a big surprise for me, too.

Lily takes Rufus out on the boardwalk just like last year so that if he tries to throttle her for gently course-correcting his insane parenting, there will be witnesses. (HEY! Remember how last year Dan was here with Allison and she talked about how she wrote thinly veiled hate literature about Lily Rhodes and called her like "Millie Bodes" or whatever? That must be where Dan gets his stupid Charlie Trout tendencies. I give Rufus a hard time because he's so clueless, but I will always allow for the possibility that the real culprit for any particular instance of the Implicit Humphrey Suck is actually Allison. She's just such a dick.) Lily tells Rufus that yes, she's got Jenny in her clutches, but no, she's not going to perform extraordinary rendition because Rufus is still behaving like a stubborn and petulant child. She will talk to Little J, figure out what the issue is, solve it, and then give her back. Sounds good. "All that might be true," Rufus says weakly, because he never met a problem he wouldn't willingly let somebody else solve (to wit: witness teenage Vanessa's slow but nearly complete takeover of the Bedford Gallery), "But it's Thanksgiving. Jenny needs to be with family." Lily says, and I admit it brought a tear to my eye, "She is." Point, set and match! Rufus is vanquished and just tells Lily that Jenny likes marshmallows on her yams or whatever stupid thing, and Lily's like, "You could not be easier if you were my daughter Serena."

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Gossip Girl

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