Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 2 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Thank You For Not Letting Me Be Myself Again

Blair is trumpeting that she has the house to herself for a second, while Serena is hanging at Aaron Rose's house -- next to an entire wall d├ęcoupaged floor-to-ceiling with pictures of herself, because apparently Georgina just fucking burned out the entire part of her brain that recognizes/responds to sketchiness -- and explaining that he's making dinner for them. "Which would be completely romantic and amazing, except when I asked him where he was today, he said he was hanging out with a friend. I know I'm probably being completely neurotic, but all I could think of was, was this friend a girl? A girl he kisses?"

Which... I know I always said that the grossest thing about Serena and Dan was that she was using him way worse than he was using her, by forcing him to be her moral watchdog. But this whole thing about Serena losing herself slowly to the next boyfriend doesn't actually bother me, because it's well-done, true-to-life, and very sad. But also because, counter-intuitively, it's actually very much in character. While Serena is the IT and Serena has never worked for anything before, and thus going all Ten Things I Hate About Shrew with her hand under Aaron's boot seems to be a bullshit Kate Minola move, think about this: How many times has Lily gotten married? How far under was Eric willing to let Asher push him? Do the words "brief conversion to Islam" ring a bell?

Blair is, of course, horrified, but in the awesomest way: "A woman needs to be with a man who thinks of only her. Anything else is a nonstarter. Tell him how you feel." Without really taking the phone away from her face, she screams, "Dorota! More flour." Miss D obliges, rolling out the crust, and Serena hilariously goes, "Are you baking already? I thought we were supposed to do that tomorrow." So, would that date tomorrow also be to backseat drive while watching Dorota perform menial tasks? Is that "baking" for these girls? Did shrieking invective at the slothful Chipotle stoner making my burrito last week, and eventually slapping his impertinent little face, make me a chef? Because if so, just call me Emeril. BAM! "I needed a little tradition of my own to keep me grounded. It turns out the Rose family has a restaurant Thanksgiving." The livid disgust in that last adjectival phrase makes ichor drip from your ceiling like it's some new technology or science of TV. "You know B, the thing about traditions is you can make new ones. For all you know, you could like his family dinner more than your own!" Serena: sometimes it's like she's being criminally earnest, other times it's like she cares so little that she just opens a random book to a random page and reads a sentence. I think she's just got a lot going on in that gorgeous noggin, and knows well enough to gauge the actual Blair Defcon from subtle cues of tone and inflection. Why go for Proust when it only calls for Robert James Waller? Save your energy. Aaron whistles for Serena and she instantly hangs up, with this very cute exchange:

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Gossip Girl

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