Gossip Girl

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Thank You For Not Letting Me Be Myself Again

Dan and Rufus are shopping for their three-person sadsack Thanksgiving, and Rufus is like, "I'm so sad Jenny won't be at Thanksgiving," and Dan acts like Rufus missing Jenny is this amazing insight he's just had into their relationship, and puts it in the douchiest most presumptuous language possible: "You know, in the all arguments you two have been having, I haven't once heard you tell her that." Like the world was just holding its breath waiting for him to say it. And of course, Rufus is dumb enough that he's like, "EUREKA!" Because whatever the guilt-tripping lowest-effort thing is, that's what he'll do: "You mean I just have to tell her I miss her, and then she'll allow me to destroy her dreams of independence?" To Dan's credit, he's like, "Do you really have to be that intense about agreeing with me? Because it makes me feel like the helpful suggestions and insights I constantly offer are less than welcome or unusually inane." Aww.

Rufus spots Aaron Rose, who makes a big production out of "not saying" where he's going for Thanksgiving, forcing Dan into the position of being like, "I am totally cool with you dating Serena," and Rufus gets the fuck out of there because when Dan and Aaron touch, it will create antimatter and blow this Trader Joe's to Hell. As it is, they don't touch, but the passive-aggressive transparent manipulative bullshit crossed with neither-as-subtle-nor-as-masculine-as-you-think territorialism could peel the paint. So Dan's like, "You know what Thanksgiving reminds me of? Last year, when our intertwined families had Thanksgiving together and it was so memorable and amazing and crazy. We fucked about a month later." And Aaron's like, "I'll tell her family hi, if they even remember you, and also: maybe I see Serena as less complicated than you do, but probably that's because our love is pure, and more stable because we really get each other." So Dan has to be all like, "Except you don't know the real Serena at all, then, because I do, and that girl is a drunk whore," and Aaron's all, "Well inside that Serena is a secret Serena that only I know, who is totally sober now," and Dan's like, "Well, the Serena you're talking about was born six minutes ago because she went on a total bender three episodes ago, but then I guess you would know that, not to mention our whole Georgina breakup last spring which I wrote a short story about because it was so meaningful, which you probably haven't read even though it's really good, and I called her Doreena in it," and Aaron's like, "So what kind of cheese should I take to her family's Thanksgiving that you're not invited to where we're all going to have total fun and my hot tall girlfriend is going to blow me because we're exclusive now," and Dan's like, "Your girlfriend is a whore, and me saying that proves I love her more, and she doesn't even like cheese anyway, which you don't even know because I win and you smell like cheese," and Aaron's like, "Oh, you know what? This sucks, because amazingly you suck even more than I do," and bounces.

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Gossip Girl

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