CHAIR

Georgina: "You sure look happy, Chuck. Almost like you aren't about to lose your only storyline."
Chuck: "At least she's mad at Dan."
Georgina: "Actually she isn't. But if you want her to stay in her loveless marriage..."
Chuck: "-- Of course I do! That's how I prove my love, by doing awful things!"
Georgina: "...Then all you have to do is stand there while I post this picture of her kissing Dan, to myself, from Dan's phone, and then discover having sent it to myself, and then have my husband post it on Gossip Girl."
Chuck: "I've been thinking of growing a Brooklyn moustache, the better to twirl it. That's as active a participant as I'm willing to be right now."

RHODES

Lily: "I am officially drunk enough to have my sister frisked."
Carol: "I am officially crazy enough to act a mess!"
Lily: "Get the fuck out of my house, you loon."
Wm vdW: "Actually, PRADA is CeCe's house."
Rufus: "That's right, your mother bought it for us. Remember?"
Lily: "No, because that makes no fucking sense, but whatever. This is the new status quo."

Wm vdW: "In other random news, I am the executor of CeCe's estate!"
Rufus: "Were you giving her fake cancer too?"
Wm vdW: "Considering her dead ass is in a box two feet to your left, I'd rethink that question. Anyway, I have her will right here."

Carol: "That figures, that CeCe would choose the father of some of Lily's children."
Lily: "I have no idea who fathered my children, Carol. Give me a break."
Carol: "I don't know who Lola's father is either, but just by saying that I have taken this episode in a radical new fucking direction."
Lily: "Let's see how it plays out."

Lola: "Dr. vdDubs, I'm a girl of uncertain parentage who has noticed my mom acting bonkers toward you."
Carol: "Lola, stop talking to that man this instant! I have to hang all over him like we dated!"

CHAIR

Dorota: "Miss Blair! I so sorry but Miss Creeper Jedi mind-trick me into telling her you at wake. Too many secrets lately! I feel like Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy!"
Blair: "Played out, unimaginably boring, and unable to use a cell phone? Yeah, I can see that."
Dorota: "Cyrus Rose say you no answer phone!"
Blair: "I'm at a wake, so I put it on silent. And anyway, I took care of the dowry situation myself, by making promises to the royal family that I cannot possibly keep because I'm not in control of the press, through an unreliable third person."
Dorota: "Yeah because you on Gossip Girl kissing Lonelyboy! And he post this picture himself! From he phone!"
Blair: "I feel just like I did a second ago when this exact same thing happened! Rrrragh!"