Wm vdW: "...Last will and testament..."
Serena: "Daddy, could you kick Ivy out of here?"
Wm vdW: "Is she, like, bothering you?"
Carol: "She is a con artist! I should know!"
Serena: "She smells like poor people!"
Lily: "I am so fucking drunk!"
Wm vdW: "Well, CeCe wanted her here. So shut it."
Georgina: "Dan, here's your phone back."
Dan: "Sometimes I think you're not working in my best interests. And didn't we have a mutual-blackmail agreement?"
Georgina: "I'm quitting the GG gig, Humphrey. So I am selling everybody out at this wake, one by one, until somebody goes insane."
Dan: "Okay but like Eleanor Waldorf is going to go bankrupt now. And Blair won't give me her sweet kisses..."
Blair: "Dan! I am mad about you once again, like I was a second ago!"
Dan: "It wasn't me, it was Gossip Girl! Who is Georgina!"
Blair: "That... Makes a lot of sense, actually. Carry on."
Chuck, in a hilarious drive-by hiss: "How does it feel to be set up and lose the person you love for something you didn't do?"
Creeper: "Oh, also our whole deal was a big lie anyway."
Blair: "I'm not sure I follow."
Creeper: "[I've watched this part twelve times and I still don't understand what the fuck is going on here, but somehow Estee gets the prince and we still lose the dowry.]"
Blair: "Bridget Jones joke! I am a time traveler from 1998!"
Georgina: "My greatest and most incomprehensible triumph yet!"
Chuck: "Still kind of think I'm the hero of this story."
Dan: "There has never been a case on this show where you were that. Especially against me. I may be an insufferable dick, but my aggression is 100 percent passive. Nice Guys are the creepiest Guys of all."
Chuck: "It's not only the Blair part, but you also hurt my feelings because I thought what we had was real."
Dan: "I would like nothing better than that, but you've spent the past three episodes fucking with every part of my entire life, so..."