Blair: "What's going on here? Are you fighting?"
Blair: "Are you fighting over me?"
Boys: "SOMEWHAT TANGENTIALLY!"
Chuck: "Dan, admit to playing passive-aggressive head games ever since the accident, leveraging our dead baby and Our Lord Jesus Christ, blaming me for the video thing, and generally zapping Blair into an unholy dependence on you under the guise of friendship."
Dan: "...Actually, yeah. That's valid. I didn't really know that I was doing that, and I do honestly care for you both as friends, but I was being pretty sleazy at certain points. Like when I fostered your mental illness about Magic Jesus, knowing that it was grief over your dead baby more than anything else. Or when I ruined your wedding and blamed anybody that stood between us."
Blair: "Actually, now that you're saying it out loud I guess I get that. You're still the one I like, though."
Wm vdW: "...Rich people stuff, treasures, things..."
Carol: "How come Mom left you everything?"
Lily: "Because she hated me marginally less? You idiot?"
Carol: "Well, you are a high-class hooker that marries creeps for cash."
Lily: "At least I married them, you asshole."
Carol: "On the other hand, all this crap is kind of low-level. Maybe it's just a sign that you were only pretending to love each other, and I'll still get the windfall for honestly just hating her in the open."
Ivy: "That seems unlikely. There's only one person here who was ever even slightly..."
Rhodeses: "If you say Dan Humphrey we will fall on you like dogs."
Wm vdW: "Everything else in the entire world goes to... You."
Carol, recovering quickly: "...You mean Charlie. Lola. My daughter, Charlotte."
Wm vdW: "No, it actually says Ivy Dickens here. Please don't trample my moment."
CeCe: "Please, like any of you idiots could get something like that past me. Considering this my final revenge for having such hateful daughters. Ivy, I really wasn't that hard to love. Please take care of Lola and turn her against the rest of them, so my vengeful plot can be complete."
Charlies: "Done, Grandma!"