Dan got a video from Gossip Girl, and then sent that video to ... Gossip Girl, and Chuck knows it. Blair was trapped in a loveless marriage for about six minutes, which came with a creepy girl. Serena had a huge problem with Dan being in love with Blair, but then decided it was fine, whatever. Ivy wormed her way into the gin-pickled heart of darkness, while Lola realized she'd been brainwashed by Aunt Carol long ago. All in all, a red-letter day for the Rhodes Women, who said goodbye to the impetus if not the catalyst of their many, many problems.
BASS ATTY OFC
Lily: "So I guess we have to bury the old bitch. Show me to your cheapest coffins and Edible Arrangements."
GG: "Did you really think CeCe was going out like that?"
Atty: "Actually, she's taken care of all of it, in true Stealth WASP style. Go home, where you will find something crazy going on."
Aunt Carol: "I can't help thinking this is all about me."
Lily: "Leaving you out of her funeral arrangements was our mother's last gift to me. Why don't you call one of your fake daughters and cry about it? Oh, wait. They hate you."
Nate & Lola: "Blah blee bloo blee blee."
Nate: "Let's revisit the details of your storyline while rolling around in the half-nude."
Lola: "I hate you and your rich friends. Now, use some of that bullshit money to buy a girl some breakfast."
Nate: "You're kind of turning into the Vanessa. I'd watch that shit."
Serena: "Nate, how goes our plan to annoy your suspicious girlfriend by once again tricking her into doing things she doesn't want to do with people she doesn't want to be around?"
Nate: "I'm cool with just doing whatever people tell me."
Chuck: "Sometimes I masturbate while our maid makes coffee."
Nate: "Tell me more."
Chuck: "Well, I'm definitely going to be exposing Humphrey for giving that video back to the person that gave it to him."
Nate: "I meant about the..."
Chuck: "See, because then Blair will be back in love with me."
Nate: "And still married. And you're still the prick in this scenario."
Chuck: "I have to lock it down so in a year she'll divorce Louis and return to me."
Nate: "Or you could be cool like this one time."
Dan: "Blair! Surely waffles with my family doesn't sound totally depressing."
Blair: "Hang on, I'm on the phone with France. They say we can maybe get out of the prenup."
Dan: "Tell me exactly how that will work."
Blair: "It's kind of boring and also imaginary."
Dan: "Those are my two favorite kinds of thing."